The Homeschool Experiment

And, so it has been decided. And, it is so unlike anything that I have ever done before in my life. For the first time, I don't have a plan. I don't know what we will do next year or the year after or the year after that. But, I do know one thing and that one thing is. . .

We have decided to keep our boys home this coming school year.

And, every night when I tiptoe into their room before I, myself, go to bed, and I see them lying there in peaceful sleep, God affirms our decision in my heart. Oh, precious little ones, that we have been given only a short while to shepherd, we need this time with you. I am committed to using this time to pour myself out for them. To use every minute of every day to teach, correct, love, and train them in the ways of our God.

I love school. I am certainly not anti-school. Joshua has had a wonderful experience in school. We struggled through this decision last year, too. And, I know there will be aspects of school that Joshua will miss this year. But, I cannot explain how God has burdened my heart over the past year to keep him home. I could not feel at peace last year no matter how hard I tried. I remember vividly telling Erik over and over as we walked through the year, "The present system is not working!!!!" Over and over again I felt defeated. It seemed the most important things were not getting accomplished, yet I was running myself ragged. And, each night I would tuck my sweet Joshua into his bed, and think to myself, "I have no idea what went on in your life today. I don't know the hurts. I don't know all the ins and outs. I don't know anything. How can I guide you through life this way?? But, we don't have time to discuss this or anything else right now. It is late and I need to let you sleep so you won't be tired at school tomorrow." And, the next morning we'd wake up and begin the busyness of life once again.

I'm not sure homeschool will be all that I hope it will be. It may not be the answer to our problems. But, as the leader of our home told me, "Erin, I don't want us to have any regrets when the boys are grown. I think we need to try this for a year and see what it is like. Then, and only then, will we know."

It is a risk, and I am not crazy about risks. Stepping off into the unknown. . . What if I don't do this well? What if they are behind? And, what about standardized tests? Socialization? These are the worries that come at night. And, many that we have told about our decisions have confronted me with these same questions. And, I don't have an answer. I can't explain it, except that I feel called to take this risk. And, if I fall flat on my face, so be it. I followed what I believe in my heart to be God's sweet whisper and this confirmed by my husband. And, therefore, we get ready to embark on a new journey. And, if it is only for a year, if at the end of the year we feel led to do something else, than, oh, what memories we will make this year as a family!!!!!!!

Last weekend, as the boys swam and Erik grilled, I couldn't help feeling overwhelmingly blessed. And, the thought that kept floating to the top of my mind was that we are going to have a year of this. A year of time together ~ growing together, laughing together, playing together, exploring together, and learning together.

It will be an experiment. And, I am going to give it my all, so that I can look back without a single regret. I haven't decided for certain when we will begin our school year, but I will be sure to post about it and everything else we do as part of our little experiment!!!

Ovewhelmed

Yesterday was a good day.

Every once in a while I have a day where it is like the blinders of busyness come off, and I realize, as if for the first time, that. . .

I am soooo blessed!!!!!!

I have the privilege of being a mama to a brood of young men, and, not to mention, I get to be the wife of the man of my dreams!!!! Yes, there is stress, overwhelmingly so at times, and there are meltdowns and boo boos. And, no, I do not know what tomorrow holds for us. But, there is today, and today is good. And, that is all I need to know right now. And, my heart can rejoice in this moment, in this day, in this life!!! Thanks to Jesus Who is ever patient with my, in general, lack of gratitude!!!

And, yesterday was one of those days where I was, for a lack of better words, overwhelmed.

For hours yesterday our swimming pool was full ~ four little boys and one big boy and the woman that adores them unceasingly!

We swam and played and grilled and ate and talked and laughed and splashed and carried on like the crazy family that we are!

Then, we shared some food with our neighbors, bathed the boys, and put their worn out, clean little bodies in their warm cozy beds.

And, after that, Erik and I sat poolside and talked for awhile before deciding to swim once again!! It was a beautiful night in our little piece of the country! The sky was full of stars and the trees of fireflies.

And, I was overwhelmed again and again and again.

Happy 40th Birthday, My Love. . .

He loves me. His fair and freckled skin matches mine ~ made for one another, we were. I love the grey strands in his hair and beard. I love the rich deep tones of his voice, the southern accent that made me smile when he first called my number. Sometimes I lay beside him, head to his chest listening to the soothing beat of his drum. Remembering that we are mortal, just journeying. Our frailty frightens me slightly. As I imagine attempting to maneuver myself through this life without my right hand. We are not guaranteed another day, not that I deserved today or the previous 3300 +. His hand holds mine firmly. My hands are big, fingers long, but his are larger, stronger, fingers longer locking mine in a belonging grip. I am his, his earthly one, his help-meet, his love, his color, his sunshine in the morning. And, he is my rock, my steady compass, my peace, my guide, my selfless love.



My gratefulness for the gift of you grows each day. . .


I love you, Baby!! Happy 40th Birthday! I look forward to many, many more!!!

Perfect

I, somehow, get everything so messed up. I keep defaulting back to the insane idea that life is all about me. But, it isn't. And, I am so thankful. It takes a lot of pressure off when you realize this simple fact. I tend to think even the spiritual life is about me.

Well, let me put it in more "spiritual" terms. . .

It is about me becoming more like Christ. . .

about Christ chiseling off my rough edges. . .

like the Potter slowly, steadily shaping me. . .

perfecting me.

And, I guess these things are true. But, what God brings me back to time and time again is that the spiritual life is not all about me ~ it is about Him. And, the Bible is not merely a self-help book. It does help, but the focus of the Bible is not me and my pursuit to be holy, self-less, Christ-like.

God is not so interested in perfecting me. He is interested in using me to bring glory to Himself. He is compassionate and loving and longs to rescue prodigal sons and daughters, and He'd love to use my hands and feet and money and time and other resources to do just that. But, creating perfect people ~ not so much the focus.

It makes sense though when you think about it. . . I used to shudder at the thought of David's sin ~ I mean, seriously, adultry, murder, and he wasn't exactly the ideal father. But, yet he was a man after God's own heart??? What??

There is no other explanation.

God is not interested in our perfection. He is interested in our heart.

And, I am so thankful because daily I am reminded that I am a far piece from perfect.