And, so it has been decided. And, it is so unlike anything that I have ever done before in my life. For the first time, I don't have a plan. I don't know what we will do next year or the year after or the year after that. But, I do know one thing and that one thing is. . .
We have decided to keep our boys home this coming school year.
And, every night when I tiptoe into their room before I, myself, go to bed, and I see them lying there in peaceful sleep, God affirms our decision in my heart. Oh, precious little ones, that we have been given only a short while to shepherd, we need this time with you. I am committed to using this time to pour myself out for them. To use every minute of every day to teach, correct, love, and train them in the ways of our God.
I love school. I am certainly not anti-school. Joshua has had a wonderful experience in school. We struggled through this decision last year, too. And, I know there will be aspects of school that Joshua will miss this year. But, I cannot explain how God has burdened my heart over the past year to keep him home. I could not feel at peace last year no matter how hard I tried. I remember vividly telling Erik over and over as we walked through the year, "The present system is not working!!!!" Over and over again I felt defeated. It seemed the most important things were not getting accomplished, yet I was running myself ragged. And, each night I would tuck my sweet Joshua into his bed, and think to myself, "I have no idea what went on in your life today. I don't know the hurts. I don't know all the ins and outs. I don't know anything. How can I guide you through life this way?? But, we don't have time to discuss this or anything else right now. It is late and I need to let you sleep so you won't be tired at school tomorrow." And, the next morning we'd wake up and begin the busyness of life once again.
I'm not sure homeschool will be all that I hope it will be. It may not be the answer to our problems. But, as the leader of our home told me, "Erin, I don't want us to have any regrets when the boys are grown. I think we need to try this for a year and see what it is like. Then, and only then, will we know."
It is a risk, and I am not crazy about risks. Stepping off into the unknown. . . What if I don't do this well? What if they are behind? And, what about standardized tests? Socialization? These are the worries that come at night. And, many that we have told about our decisions have confronted me with these same questions. And, I don't have an answer. I can't explain it, except that I feel called to take this risk. And, if I fall flat on my face, so be it. I followed what I believe in my heart to be God's sweet whisper and this confirmed by my husband. And, therefore, we get ready to embark on a new journey. And, if it is only for a year, if at the end of the year we feel led to do something else, than, oh, what memories we will make this year as a family!!!!!!!
Last weekend, as the boys swam and Erik grilled, I couldn't help feeling overwhelmingly blessed. And, the thought that kept floating to the top of my mind was that we are going to have a year of this. A year of time together ~ growing together, laughing together, playing together, exploring together, and learning together.
It will be an experiment. And, I am going to give it my all, so that I can look back without a single regret. I haven't decided for certain when we will begin our school year, but I will be sure to post about it and everything else we do as part of our little experiment!!!
Back At It
3 hours ago