Monday, October 17, 2011

Slow and See...

I woke up behind.  I didn't do the things that I needed to this weekend in order to help begin my week on the right foot.  Laundry cluttering my laundry room folded, but not yet put away.  They've been sitting in baskets waiting since last Thursday.  Piles of laundry waiting to be washed in baskets beside them.  Counters cluttered, bar stools covered in church clothes and shoes ~ the remains of a busy weekend.

But, still we begin.  We pray. We dive into our work, and I am one hundred percent teacher.  There will be no catching up until after 3, and even then it may not happen.  Oh, how I hate to start weeks this way!!

Scripture recitations to memorize, history readings to work through, letters to write, chapters of literature to read aloud, a new Latin declension to introduce, math lessons to do, and direct objects to diagram... I try to stay one step ahead of them, but I feel the clouds of doubt hovering, the dark gloom of the overwhelming.  How will we get all this done?  Families with only 2 kids ~ how much easier it must be to accomplish all this!!  Or, families with all older children, I could do that!  But, this, Lord, this, it is too much!  And, Jack needs to be fed, and Elijah needs help with cutting and glueing shapes in their proper places...  And, I am pulled this way and that, my heart overwhelmed and torn...

And, then He comes, and I remember.  And, He whispers...  "I'm here.  Just do your best.  You were never meant to do this by yourself.  Tend my lambs, and I will take care of the rest.  Tend their souls first, and then their hearts, and then their minds.  Do what you can do and leave the rest to Me.  Let Me fill your gaps.  Rest and Trust."


Rest and Trust.

And, the clouds of doubt begin to clear a bit...

And, we dive into Thutmose the III and Jack begins to fuss, and I read and rock and read and nurse, and I remember and cling to His whispers.

And, we dive into our novel, and a voice calls from the bathroom... and I put down book and go...

And, I listen to little one sound out little words while bouncing baby boy on my knee and an older brother beckons from the kitchen table needing help with math...

And, I realize again that I can't do it all, and I feel my muscles relax a bit, begin to rest in Him, to trust...

And, I rescue baby brother from older brother balancing himself on side of pack and play tipping it a bit...

And, Fernando Ortega sings "Grace and peace" over my home, fall candle fills the kitchen with sweet warmth...

And, biggest boy surprises me with a bear hug from behind, and tells me, "I really love you, Mom..."

And, dog barks loudly startling me, and violin sings jingle bells from the laundry room hitting a wrong note here and there and making my heart smile...

And, I nurse sweet baby watching his toes wiggle happy on my leg and his fingers reach for a stray hair of mine, and my heart sings joy...

And, I breathe deep of this warm sunny afternoon, dog on leash, and air full of little boy giggles...

And,  we go over grammar while I prepare food, and it isn't ideal, it isn't perfect, but it works...

And, I straighten school room, tidying papers, and cupping a sweet little superhero face in my hands and kissing his forehead slow.  Can I freeze this moment in time...

And, I warm frozen milk, make baby cereal, and giggle as he chews his cereal as if I have given him a spoonful of steak...


And, the orange ball of light begins to tuck itself into the trees behind Mr. Cole's house, and the big boy dons shoulder pads...


And, the laundry sits unattended still at day's end, and the school checklist has boxes left unchecked, but I have tended little lambs to the best of my ability.

And, I breathe a deep long breath, a thankful prayer to my faithful God.

Oh, it is hard and long and trying, but, oh, there is so much good when I slow and see...

6 comments:

Deidre said...

I love "You were never meant to do this by yourself". He reminds me of that so often. And, I remember that I operate solely on His strength anyway ... never my own.

Love you, Erin, and so proud of the Mom you are. You teach me so much!

amazed and amused said...

Best entry yet, Erin!!!

Amy said...

:)

Elizabeth said...

I often pray, "a thankful prayer to my faithful God." He is so good to us.

Momma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toni said...

Well said. I have some special needs and learning disabilities added to the mix and this is a much needed reminder.
Blessings,
Toni

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.

 

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