This Week. . .

I just dropped my three little men off at church. Tonight is Parent's Night Out. I will be spending this parent's night out as a single parent because my Erik is at a high school football game.

This week has been typical for me - extreme highs and lows. I am learning that the way our day goes has a lot more to do with my attitude than it does my boys' attitudes. But, that is just one of the many lessons that God is teaching me through my little ones.

My heart is full, as per usual. This week has ushered in change in a variety of ways and mostly to do with my darling JCT. He has worn underwear all week except for a few outings - which I dared not attempt. . . yet. He did have one accident while playing upstairs. I heard him tell Joshua what he did. JCT confessed to Joshua that he was "scared Mommy will be mad at me." But, Joshua reassured him, "Mommy won't be mad. Don't you worry, JCT. Once I colored on the table, and I thought Daddy would be mad at me. But, he wasn't. Daddy said green was his favorite color. He wasn't mad, and Mommy won't be mad either. It was just an accident. Don't worry, just go tell her." And, God spoke to my heart at that very moment, and I learned something. Too often I use fear tactics to teach my children. But, the lessons that they will remember, the lessons that will give them the clearest picture of Christ are the lessons taught by showing grace. Now, back to the original topic, he is in underwear tonight at church, and I feel certain he will do just fine. He is growing up right before my eyes. Unbelievable.

I pulled the trundle out from under Joshua's bed Tuesday afternoon. And, I asked JCT if he wanted to take his nap on his big boy bed or in his crib. He opted for the big boy bed. I turned the video monitor on and went downstairs. Joshua and I had fun watching JCT play with his feet and listening to him sing song after song. And, eventually he drifted off to sweet sleep. That night I gave him the same choice, and he chose his crib. Wednesday, once again, he napped in the big boy bed and slept the night in his crib. Then, last night he insisted on sleeping in his big boy bed, so I let him. Joshua was tickled. And, I thought they might never go to sleep. They talked and laughed and sang. All the while, Erik and I stood downstairs around the monitor smiling and loving every minute of it. We took the dog out and walked a minute, and when we came back in, they were both sound asleep. It felt good, really good.

Earlier that night I watched as my husband corralled both big boys into the tub with laughs and squeals filling the air. Then, as they played in the bath, good old Rain sauntered upstairs and gave the clean boys a few licks sending them into hysteria. And, I couldn't help, but feel utterly blessed. A great husband, a good dog, 3 wonderful children, and a warm home full of love and laughter. . .

I have been staring at my backyard a lot lately. It is so pretty this time of year. A family of turkey have been eating breakfast on our levee each morning. I love to sit and watch them eat their fill. Occasionally another animal will startle one of them, and the startled turkey will take flight, a short flight - but still very fun to watch. And, yesterday when I took Rain out to walk for a minute during nap time, I heard a wonderful sound. The breeze blew some fallen leaves on Mr. Cole's driveway. I stopped walking and watched the leaves dance a minute and listened to their soft rustle. I simply cannot wait until the street is full of leaves. I love to watch them take flight when cars pass, and I love to hear them crackle under my shoes.

I have fallen back in love with an old CD - Chris Rice - Peace Like a River. It is a great fall CD. Anyway, as I was listening to it earlier this week, Joshua asked an interesting question.

"Is this Jesus singing, Mommy?"

I answered no, and then smiled thinking about how Chris would be honored by Joshua's question. Then, later this week, Joshua asked me again, "Mommy, are you sure this isn't Jesus singing?" I assured him that it was Chris Rice who though he has a wonderful voice was not God incarnate. Then, he said, "But, Mommy, he said, 'God, our father.'" Which brought a wonderful topic to the table. The fact that God is our Father, too, and Jesus our brother.

JCT insists that he saw an angel in the backyard. Every time we read a Bible story about an angel, he brings it up again.

"I saw an angel once," he will tell us. "He was in da backyard, and he sayed to me, 'Be not afraid. God is with me,' and he was a man angel. He talked to me. He tole me he luffs me." Makes me wonder. . . Imagination or supernatural? Who knows, but I love to hear him tell us the story. I like to think that children see angels, makes my heart smile.

Oh, and did I mention that when JCT's choir teacher (one of Erik's patients) asked him, "And, what does your Daddy do?" JCT confidently answered, "He spanks my bottom." Oh, me.

So, that is my week in summary. It has been a good week all in all. But, I'd be telling you a story if I told you it was all watching turkeys and listening to rustling leaves and laughing boys. This week has been a wonderful mix of good, bad, and the not so pretty. But, all is well. And, tomorrow I get to go on a Starbucks date with one of my very best friends in the whole world. And, we have great plans to discuss the ninety-nine balloons blog and the book Grace-based Parenting over a decaf white chocolate mocha (for me) and a Chai latte (for her). Now, that is a great way to start October, my favorite month of the year!

Too Much

How much is "too much"? What exactly does it mean?

It isn't a precise measure.

It is just a phrase we throw around.

But, yesterday "too much" was thrown at me when I least expected it.

Being in the stage of life that I am in and being the weak vessel that I am, there is a lot that seems to be "too much" these days.

Like taking 3 children (4 and under) to the mall or to Wal-Mart. . .

Last night at dinner, too much was holding a fussy baby, rocking him, standing beside the dinner table while my family ate, all the while listening to my two year old complain about his dinner and my four year old ask the same question over and over and over and over again.

But, after dinner something magical happened. I was putting my sons to sleep, tickling their backs and loving on them. I picked JCT up to put him in his crib across the room, and I asked him:

"How much does Mommy love you? How much, baby, do you know?"

And, his response came in his usual way, very matter of fact but with a smile:

"Too Much."

And, I suppose he may be correct.

A Fish Tale

Yesterday evening we took the big boys to the babysitter so that Erik and I could have a date (with Elijah, but a date just the same - seeing as Elijah doesn't do a whole lot of talking). We decided while we were out that we would run by the pet store and get the boys a fish. Fun!

I made sure that we talked with one of the employees and got all the necessary information about raising Bettas. How often do you change their water? How do you go about changing it? Feeding - how much? how often? And, the most important question. . . How many can we put in one bowl? The young girl assured me that we could put two in one bowl as long as one was a female. Two males would fight, but a male and a female should live in perfect harmony with one another. We'll see. . .

So, $40 later we left the pet store and headed toward home with Bettas secured in the cup holders of our beloved "Vannie." I decided to read about these new little guys on our way home. I couldn't help noticing that on the fish bowl's box twice this warning was written, "Due to the aggressive nature of the Male Betta, only one fish should be kept in a bowl." I instantly grew concerned for the little blue female we purchased. But, Erik assured me that she would be fine - after all, the teenage girl (Betta expert, I am sure) who worked there told us it would be fine. We'll see.

We went home, dumped the fish in their new bowl complete with decorative stones and fake foliage (which we later chunked), and took Sam (Joshua's pretend fish) in the untility room. We opted to take the advice JMom left in my comments the other day. She suggested that we switch the bowls and surprise the boys with a real fish when they expected to see the play fish. So, I put the new Bettas on the raised bar where Sam has been for the last 2 weeks. Then, Erik went to get the boys. . .

who had watched Nemo at the babysitter's house - how appropriate!

They walked into the house. And, as they were taking off their crocs and putting them away in their baskets, I asked Joshua if he had fed Sam today. He said, "No, I don't think so. . ." as he pushed his basket back under the bench. Then, he looked up at the raised bar to see Sam.

And. . .

I heard the sound that every parent begs to hear. . . the gasp. . . that loud, long, joyous, excited, Christmas morning-like inhaled breath of air. "HHHHhhhhhhh!" A satisfying sound to a parent's ear - more than satisfying. We did good.

Both boys ran to the barstools and climbed up in them to gaze into the fish bowl. Joshua claimed the large red male naming him Zack. Actually the full name given to him by my tender, loving little boy was, "Zack, the fish tank Killer." Then, JCT named the sweet little blue female, "Dora." And, so Zack and Dora have become part of our family. JCT kept putting his sweet little hand over his heart and saying, "You got me a weal fishy, a weal fishy for me!!" If you listened carefully, you could hear our home singing for all the joy that was dwelling within her last night! It was a good night.

Erik got up early this morning to ride bikes with his friends, so I had the great privilege of helping the boys feed their fish for the first time. We sat and watched them eat. I was happy to see that Zack the tank killer was allowing Dora to eat. I had a fear that he might eat all the food and that she would die of starvation due to his aggressive nature. They both ate to their heart's content as much as they could in two minutes - according to the box's instructions. Anyway, I offered the boys cartoons, but they declined saying that they would rather watch their fish. I opted to do something else. Diagnose me with ADD, but fish are just not stimulating enough to capture my attention for an extended period of time. So, I began to piddle around in the kitchen when I heard my sons exclaim, "Mommy look, Zack is gonna eat her! Look what he is doing!!!" I ran to the bowl. I am feeling a certain loyalty towards Dora. After all, we are the only females in the house, and we girls gotta stick together.

Zack was flaring up his bright red tail and swimming at her over and over, hitting her with his mad, red face. And, Dora, bless her heart, was just trying to get away from him, but in a tiny little fish bowl there really isn't anywhere to go. I began to wish we had left the foliage, simply so that she could at least attempt to hide herself. He was vicious. Joshua was quite intuitive - the tank killer was an accurate name for him. Poor Dora. I could see her holding still, scared stiff, just waiting for him to attack again. I am telling ya'll, it hurt my heart. Now I, myself, am afraid to touch these fish for fear of killing them. And, Zack has since backed off, but if he does it again, I am going to ask Erik to move Dora to her own bowl. I will not allow domestic violence to take place under my own roof and not do anything about it.

Zack, the tank killer. . . you have met your match!

Lovin' Lijah

He is irresistible, I tell you. Simply irresistible!

Windows to the Soul

Sometimes I stare into their eyes. I just can't help it. I stare deep into their eyes through to their little souls. And, I pray. I pray for their souls, their lives, their futures. Mostly, I just pray one simple little prayer. "I give You this sweet life, Lord. I lay it before Your throne. Take this little life, and may it bring glory to Your name."

As I stare deeply into their eyes, I see different things.

In my little leader Joshua, I see gentle love and a tender, sweetness. Yet, there is an underlying strength there. Not the kind of strength that dominates, but rather a powerful strength that is harnessed by pure, unchanging love.

In JCT's eyes, I see LIFE filled to the brim, joy, and a yearning for adventure. His eyes are full, full of thought, activity, and unbridled passion.

In Elijah, I see sweet peace and trust. He stares deeply into my eyes as I bathe him, change him or feed him. And, the look is pure trust and security. Serenity. I am his constant, and nothing brings me greater satisfaction.

And, as I search the eyes of my little men, I wonder. . .

What will God do with their lives?

Where will they go?

Who will they become when they are grown?

And, then I come full circle, and I pray for their little lives.

I give them to You, my God. May they glorify You.

Because that is all that really matters. If they glorify God while they are here on earth, then they will have lived well.