Cecilia's Cup

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to write in my first post. I was consumed with words and thoughts all day. Just counting down the hours until the boys went to bed, and I could unleash my thoughts into cyberspace. I couldn't wait to embark on this new adventure - blogging (what a funny word). But, things didn't happen quite as planned. . .

Shortly after I tucked my youngest into bed, a phone call came that changed everything. My brother's wife, my sweet sister-in-love, Cecilia, has cancer again. The surgeon called them this evening, yes, Sunday evening, to let them know. Cecilia, my hero, was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time at age 32. She had a double mastectomy and after several months gained the prestigious title of Cancer Survivor. This all happened in 2003. I will never forget how emotional it was watching her walk in her pink t-shirt during the Survivor parade at the Little Rock Race for the Cure only months after her diagnosis! She is such an inspiration to me, beautiful, beautiful girl.

Sometimes when I receive unhappy news I respond immediately, and sometimes it takes some time to let it soak in. For example, a few weeks ago while we were on vacation, my mom called to let us know that Cecilia had found a knot under her arm, a lymphnode. My reaction was immediate. Tears burned my eyes before I could even respond. I just bent over and leaned on my husband. But, tonight I responded completely different. Erik took the call, but I knew immediately what was being said. I simply sat on the couch with my face in my hands and went somewhat numb. I just sat there for probably 10 minutes, maybe more. Honestly, I wasn't really praying or thinking, just sitting, staring. I really don't remember what happened next, but I do remember when it finally sunk in. Out of the deep dark evening sky came a single thought, a single word, and that word was frail. We are frail. And, with that word came a multitude of emotions and tears. As I sat there heartbroken, the words to a song by one of my favorite song writers of all time - Rich Mullins, came to my mind. "We are frail. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. . . we must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are." We are frail. We are made in His imagine, but unlike Him we are needy, we are weak. We are in need of a Savior. We are in need of redemption, of mercy, of grace, of healing - physical and spiritual. We are needy. Breath by breath we, in all our frailty, need Him. He makes the weak strong, and He is the lifter of our heads.

I had originally planned to write about my life verse - Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. I was going to write about how I am embracing the cup (life) He has blessed me with, etc. But, now all I can think of is the cup placed before Cecilia tonight during a phone call with a doctor. Contemplating the possible contents of that cup is a bit too much for me to bear right now. They have 2 young girls (1st and 4th grade). No doubt they will watch their mother take this cup with the strength and grace of a true woman of God because that is exactly who Cecilia is. But, it is so hard to take. A very Godly friend of mine recently reminded me that even Christ was given a cup that He didn't want to take. "Father, if it be Your will, take this cup from me." She went on to remind me that though our cup may be more than we can bear He never asks us to bear it alone. He will endure it alongside us. Those words, thank you, Sarah, have been a healing balm to my heart tonight.

Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. What a comfort to know that nothing is overlooked by Him. That He knows our cup; He measures our cup. And, He holds our hands while we drink deep of it. What a Savior, what a friend!

Now I don't know what Cecilia's cup holds, but I do know Who holds Cecilia. Isaiah says He carries His lambs close to His heart. And, she is that sweet lamb resting safe on His breast. May she feel that love tonight. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that her lot is secure. . . safe and secure. Safe in the nailed scarred hands of Jesus. She is safe in His embrace no matter what this cup may hold. And, that is what matters most.