Sunday, August 27, 2006

Cecilia's Cup

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to write in my first post. I was consumed with words and thoughts all day. Just counting down the hours until the boys went to bed, and I could unleash my thoughts into cyberspace. I couldn't wait to embark on this new adventure - blogging (what a funny word). But, things didn't happen quite as planned. . .

Shortly after I tucked my youngest into bed, a phone call came that changed everything. My brother's wife, my sweet sister-in-love, Cecilia, has cancer again. The surgeon called them this evening, yes, Sunday evening, to let them know. Cecilia, my hero, was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time at age 32. She had a double mastectomy and after several months gained the prestigious title of Cancer Survivor. This all happened in 2003. I will never forget how emotional it was watching her walk in her pink t-shirt during the Survivor parade at the Little Rock Race for the Cure only months after her diagnosis! She is such an inspiration to me, beautiful, beautiful girl.

Sometimes when I receive unhappy news I respond immediately, and sometimes it takes some time to let it soak in. For example, a few weeks ago while we were on vacation, my mom called to let us know that Cecilia had found a knot under her arm, a lymphnode. My reaction was immediate. Tears burned my eyes before I could even respond. I just bent over and leaned on my husband. But, tonight I responded completely different. Erik took the call, but I knew immediately what was being said. I simply sat on the couch with my face in my hands and went somewhat numb. I just sat there for probably 10 minutes, maybe more. Honestly, I wasn't really praying or thinking, just sitting, staring. I really don't remember what happened next, but I do remember when it finally sunk in. Out of the deep dark evening sky came a single thought, a single word, and that word was frail. We are frail. And, with that word came a multitude of emotions and tears. As I sat there heartbroken, the words to a song by one of my favorite song writers of all time - Rich Mullins, came to my mind. "We are frail. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. . . we must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are." We are frail. We are made in His imagine, but unlike Him we are needy, we are weak. We are in need of a Savior. We are in need of redemption, of mercy, of grace, of healing - physical and spiritual. We are needy. Breath by breath we, in all our frailty, need Him. He makes the weak strong, and He is the lifter of our heads.

I had originally planned to write about my life verse - Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. I was going to write about how I am embracing the cup (life) He has blessed me with, etc. But, now all I can think of is the cup placed before Cecilia tonight during a phone call with a doctor. Contemplating the possible contents of that cup is a bit too much for me to bear right now. They have 2 young girls (1st and 4th grade). No doubt they will watch their mother take this cup with the strength and grace of a true woman of God because that is exactly who Cecilia is. But, it is so hard to take. A very Godly friend of mine recently reminded me that even Christ was given a cup that He didn't want to take. "Father, if it be Your will, take this cup from me." She went on to remind me that though our cup may be more than we can bear He never asks us to bear it alone. He will endure it alongside us. Those words, thank you, Sarah, have been a healing balm to my heart tonight.

Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. What a comfort to know that nothing is overlooked by Him. That He knows our cup; He measures our cup. And, He holds our hands while we drink deep of it. What a Savior, what a friend!

Now I don't know what Cecilia's cup holds, but I do know Who holds Cecilia. Isaiah says He carries His lambs close to His heart. And, she is that sweet lamb resting safe on His breast. May she feel that love tonight. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that her lot is secure. . . safe and secure. Safe in the nailed scarred hands of Jesus. She is safe in His embrace no matter what this cup may hold. And, that is what matters most.

15 comments:

Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I don't have the words, Erin, to tell you how I'm feeling, but you know my heart.

I'll be praying for Cecilia, and her family, as well as you and yours. And maybe, just maybe, this cup will be lifted from her sooner than you think.

If not, then I pray that God will help her carry it.

I love you, sweet friend, and am so glad you started this journal:)

BooMama said...

I'll be praying, too...

owlhaven said...

Praying for your friend.

Mary, mom to many

Laurel Wreath said...

welcome to blog world, I am still fairly new also. But girl here you go and make me cry on your first post =)) I will be praying. My heart breaks for the whole family right now. Blessings.

Sabrina said...

Praying for your sister.....

Dianne said...

Welcome to the blogging world, and you jumped in with a post that illustrates what it's really all about. Not life as it should be or as we want it to be, but life as it is and women who are dealing with it. I'm sure you'll find many such examples as you tour the blogging community. While this was a sad post for starters, I'm sure it will only serve to help many pray for your sister-in-law, and I will also be praying for Cecilia and whatever the future holds for her.

Andrea said...

Here from Sarah's blog...this post really touched me. Got news today that a dear friend is having hospice come in. Thank you for reminding me that she is being held and that she is secure in Christ. Thank you.

P.S. Welcome to blogging!

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

What a gift your entrance into blogging is obviously going to be - to all of us. Don and I will add Cecelia to our prayer list. Don - when he says he'll be praying, he will....xoxoxoxoxo

Cheryl said...

Visiting by way of Sarah' blog. Welcome! What a difficult blog this first one must have been for you to start with. Hoping that writing those thoughts helped you. We will be in prayer for you and your family as well as Cecilia'. With God, "Your Never Alone".

Clemntine said...

Very moving post, Erin. I've prayed for Cecilia. Thank you for sharing her story and giving us the privelege of participating with God in what He's doing in her.

Chappyswife said...

Saying a prayer for her right now.

Belle-ah said...

I will put Celia on my prayer list. God is good and your post is a wonderful tribute to the wonders He holds for all of us...He is in control. Thanks for sharing.

Kelli said...

Thank you for sharing, so we can pray.

Nancy said...

What a moving first entry. You are a wonderful addition to blogging and what a dear sister-in-law to Cecilia. I think the hair idea is great. I hope it works out.

A Place For Ministry Wives said...

I "just" came across your blog and realized that we have the same blog theme. How wild. How cool to see God revealing so much of the "same" word to people and allowing it to bless them in different ways. :-)

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.

 

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