Thursday, July 02, 2009

Be Angry and Sin Not.

I don't get out much, but last night two very sweet husbands let their grateful wives have a night out ~ at least for an hour ~ which we managed to stretch to 2 hours ~ but that is another story. I just happen to be one of those two grateful wives. And, while we were at dinner, we talked a great deal about Erik's parents. We talked a lot about anger. Erik and his brother have both used the phrase "It is what it is," in their posts on their parents' caringbridge site when discussing their mother's condition. It is what it is, and nothing we can do can change it. No amount of doctoring. No amount of anger. No amount of hope. We can pray. We can believe. But, we within ourselves do not have the power to change it. It is what it is. My sweet friend kept saying, "But, they just don't seem angry. How are they not angry?" I assured her that the anger is there. And, as if he knew of our conversation and wanted to put his two cents in, my father-in-love wrote the post below on the caringbridge site yesterday.

I am posting his post for you to read and be encouraged by his words. But, more than that I am posting it so that I have it in a place that I can go to and read it whenever I need to. And, even more than that, I want my boys to have it. I want them to read it ~ to know the faith of their grandfather even amidst his life's greatest trial. Prov. 20:7

And, here it is. . .

Be Angry and Sin Not.

Jesus taught us a little about anger and how to deal with it. He seemed to say that anger can sometimes be a useful thing, but we are not to let Satan use it as a toehold to get us off on the wrong track.

I must confess that I have had to deal with anger relatively often in recent months. Fortunately, I have been able to get into my right mind and move on from it quickly. I realize that anger, even acted on, would not change our situation, but there is a strong temptation to try.

My pain, which on some days accumulates to such a degree that I think I cannot stand it, sometimes just makes me angry. However, when I am able to think through it, I realize that my pain does not even come close to measuring up to what Retia is going through. I confess that when I sit in the hospital room and watch her as she is right now in the struggles she is going through and compare that to what she was, my anger burns furiously.

Sometimes the anger is directed at the person who was driving and should not have been. Sometimes it is directed at the alleged law officer who failed so miserably in her duties. And yes, sometimes it is directed at God.

Now, I have been a follower of Christ since 1949. More than that, I have been associated with the church. and the teachings of Christ even longer, so I know that God does not deserve my anger. But do you know what I have learned (by experience)? That God is strong enough to tolerate my anger and still love me.

Like a loving human parent, I have learned that God is able to listen to the rantings of his children and the questions about things that happen and the intervention that does not always come, and yet he is able to continue to be God with all the love and mercy and grace that he has always revealed to us. He is not changed by our anger. He is still love.

I can almost hear him say audibly, "Hey, I understand your disappointment and hurt and anger. But I still love you." He also reminds me, as he did the psalmist, that in spite of my perceptions of the wrong choices of others whose consequences I suffer, my wrong choices, or even the perceived inaction from him, he will walk with me through the storm and will work good out of horrible circumstances.

So I must confess to him that he is not safe, but he is able to keep me secure. I must confess to him that what bothers me so much is that the love of my life is suffering way too much and I do not believe it is her fault. That makes me mad. The people whose fault it seems to be are going on as usual. Then he reminds me that however much I love her, he loves her even more. He made her and he can take care of her whatever the problem is. So, forgive me for the anger and help me to see through your eyes.

So now you know why I say to Jason don't try to make me feel better in my misery. Just let me stew for a while.

We had another meeting with the Drs, nurses, and therapists today. The prognosis is that the trends are good, but that does not mean everything will be OK. We just don't know that yet. We are still hoping and praying for that end, but in the light of what we have learned about God, we are growing into a position where we will see things as he sees them and love her as he loves her whatever the circumstances (even as he does for us all).

Pray for Retia as she struggles with therapy. Pray for the healing of this pernicious bedsore. Pray for her comfort as she struggles to deal with the everyday pain and suffering. Thanks for standing by us.

1 comment:

Tara Lee said...

Thank you. I'm struggling with anger directed at God right now - our oldest daughter has recently been diagnosed with a rare syndrome. I am angry. But I know that He loves me still, even in my anger.
Thank you for posting this.

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.


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