Following Free. . .

In this world. . .

but not of it.

So, how do we know where to draw the line? I like precision. perfection. But, God asks us to read His word, to seek His face, to trust and obey. And, that looks different for you and for me. He didn't call all of us to send our kids to Christian schools. He didn't call all of us to go overseas as missionaries. He didn't call all of us to live in really cool towns with megachurch pastors that inspire us to live like Christ daily. He called us to different places and different missions. And, that is really hard for me.

Ever since I became a mom, it has been a huge passion of mine. And, I have wanted to do it well. I spent the first two or three years begging God each morning to send me a mommy mentor. I wanted someone who lived close to me that I could meet with on a regular basis, someone who could inspire me, someone that I could imitate. But, my prayer was never answered. No Godly mama came out of the woodwork of my small town and asked me to follow her as she followed Christ. And, a few years ago God revealed something to me about all this. Basically, He said, "If I had given you what you asked, you would have followed her and not Me. I called you to something unique to you. Now keep your eyes on Me."

I tend to obsess over purity. This world is amazingly corrupt, and I long for my boys to be pure. But, you can't even watch a football game anymore without seeing commercials, cheerleaders, things that could lead their sweet little minds astray. And, that drives me crazy. I really like the whole raise them in a bubble idea. It seriously appeals to me, but unfortunately it is completely unrealistic.

I watched the Dugger boy get married on TLC's 17 Kids and Counting a few weeks ago. And, in many ways it reminded me of Erik and I. Although, we had kissed a few times before our wedding day. Not many times though, Erik wanted so badly for both of us to be pure that he would call off all kissing from time to time. But, anyway, I couldn't get that silly Dugger boy off my mind for several days.

Then, I went to lunch with my friend Sara. And, we spent a lot of the meal talking about King David and Queen Esther. We discussed our views of purity, and asked each other questions like, "How could God call David a man after His own heart after what he had done?" We discussed different things in the Old Testament like men that had several wives, or kings with concubines, things that baffle us. And, thoughts of our conversation followed me through the next couple of days.

And, over the next week, because I am seriously obsessed with my sons' purity, I continued to ponder all these things. In my mind I compared and contrasted my Erik with the Dugger boy. Erik grew up in New Orleans by parents who were not overly strict. They trusted their boys a good bit. He went to a Christian private school, Christian in name only, I assure you, and he was allowed to date without chaperones. And, the Dugger boy grew up homeschooled and very much monitored by his loving parents ~ little to no TV and limited access to the internet, and no dating ~ he found his wife through courtship. The two have marked differences in their background.

But, yet both were pure when they married. And, both claim to love God. And, I can honestly say that no one has ever been more of a picture of Christ to me than my husband. He is a selfless soul. He loves God with passion and not just words. He lives it daily. Period. And, if I knew the Dugger boy, I'd probably say the same thing about him.

So, now I am going to attempt to come full circle in my thoughts. As I watched the Duggers, part of me wanted to pull Joshua out of school and home school him, to shelter him as they do their children. But, then I thought of my Erik and how he has impacted lives all along the way from his early school days to his medical residency days. His residency director said it best when he said of Erik at his residency graduation ceremony, "Erik is the gospel in tennis shoes." He is Christ to others at church on Sunday and Christ to others on his 3rd night of call in a week. He leaves an impression everywhere he goes. And, if I knew the Dugger boy, I'd likely say the same thing about him.

So, what does God have for my boys?

I'm just not sure. But, I know one thing. It is for them to be like Christ, to walk like Him and talk like Him and act like Him at home, at school, at work, in all of their lives, in every single moment of every single day, breath by breath.

And, though I know that it is God's will for my boys to be pure, to remain pure, holy, set apart in this corrupt generation, I also know that just like with King David and Queen Esther, He is much more interested in their hearts, in their relationship with Him than He is in their legalistic purity. I say this not at all to downplay purity. It is my desire that my boys are able to experience what Erik and I have been blessed to experience going into our marriage pure. But, it is my even greater desire that they experience a true, genuine, intimate, daily, walking breath by breath relationship with their Creator.

So, I guess what God showed me through all of this is that He calls each of us to follow Him daily, to walk with Him, and to allow Him to lead us wherever He desires to lead us. And, if that means that God wants us to pull Joshua out of school next year and home school him and teach him daily what it means to walk with Christ and not just go to church or walk an aisle, then, glory to God, we are all there! And, if God leads Erik and I to keep Joshua in school, to trust Him to walk with our little man there, and through the years, to use our little man as a catalyst there, then, glory to God, we are all there, too!

I guess this is what freedom in Christ is all about, but, man, is it hard for me. Most days I'd prefer a book of dos and don'ts. Following a plan, a schedule, a list is easy but following Christ that is an entirely different thing! He is like the wind, blowing to and fro, wherever He chooses. Unpredictable. Reckless. Free. Following Him takes discipline, focus, and a humble, teachable heart. It takes being quiet in a very loud world. It takes love and patience. It takes perseverance. It takes all I have, all that I am, and that is exactly what He desires of me.

He has more faith in me than I do in myself that is for sure!

Goodness, I love Him!