Sometimes life just seems hard. And, I don't claim to be strong, optomistic, or layed back. I know that I tend more toward the weak, perfectionistic, melancholy type, and honestly, that isn't good when combined with a series of grey days at home with sick, whining children. I know that my life is not hard by definition. But, at times my life seems hard, at least to me. Life has been stressful lately - dinnertime, especially.
And, when it seems hard, there is this nagging voice in my head that says, "Guess what? You think this is hard! Just wait until August! It is going to get a lot harder before it gets any easier."
Somedays I just want to get away. I just want someone else to come in and take over for an hour or two. I just want a break to get away and think. I love my boys, but I love time alone, too. And, at this stage of life, there is no such thing as time alone. It just doesn't happen. I was laughing with a friend the other day over the fact that I used to be the "diva" type. I was not supposed to have 4 boys, 5 years old and under. That'll suck the "diva" out of any girl in a matter of minutes!
So, then yesterday morning I was complaining to my mom on the phone. I do that a lot, bless her heart. I was telling her how hard my life is. How everyone cries at dinner, and how we all spiral downward from that point on. And, a few hours later the florist brought flowers to my door from my sweet parents - the card encouraging me to breath. Then, later on yesterday evening I was talking to my mom on the phone over the Indiana/Ohio State basketball game, and she said the most amazing thing. . .
"Erin," she said, "Sarcrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more." She read it somewhere earlier that day, and it almost made me cry to hear her say it. It reminded me that though I do love, seriously love, time by myself, I love my boys more. And, so if during the next few years I have to sacrifice alone time for them, then it is a worthy sacrifice, and I am glad to do it. Well, I may not always feel glad to do it, but, really, I am. I am glad to do it. I would have it no other way. God is working on me tremendously during this stage of life, slowly chipping and chiseling away at the selfishness in my heart. He knows how very badly I need it!
13 comments:
By the time I got to the sacrifice quote it DID make me cry! Our personalities sound very, very similar. I crave alone time constantly and then fight the guilt for feeling selfish about it. Perfectionistic, weak, tending toward melancholy...I could add quick-tempered and easily frustrated. But, and this is a big but, I love my husband and my kids and know that I am blessed beyond measure even though the daily things in life can get me down. All to say - I needed to hear this today. Thanks.
I think the Lord blesses us Mom of Boys with wonderful Mothers (I can totally see mind doing the same, in fact she has done things similar).
Just know if you run away that woman carting her luggage behind you is me following =) (because I so can relate).
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. I needed to hear validation of what God has been teaching me lately. Time alone will come for us.... hopefully sooner than later! I hope you are feeling better!
What a lovely reminder. It really helps to put things in perspecitive, doesn't it?
Just yesterday I voiced that I needed God to change my heart in the area of servanthood. As a mom, yes we serve and yes we give, but my heart is NOT in the right place much of the time. I feel frustrated by having to serve. I desperately want to find joy in my role as servant in my home. Only God can change that for me. That is my prayer right now.
Oh. I have TOTALLY bookmarked this post. Your mom is awesome! LOVE HER QUOTE.
Oh Erin, that could have been me and my day your were writing about! Thank you for your perspective-changing words.Can I share your mum??!!
Our days are just hard, and that's okay to admit that. God knows where we are and He cares about us. Your Mom is precious to do something so thoughtful! If I was near, I would watch those precious boys for at least an hour for you. You probably would be aching to get back to them by then :)
Baby #4 is a boy?? Congratulations!!
Thanks for this lovely post.
I loved this post. (At least with three kiddos and one on the way, you have every reason to think life is hard! I only have one and I STILL feel some days are hard.)
But that quote hit the nail on the head. I love that God uses something as sweet and precious as motherhood to help rid selfishness from our lives. He is such a creative teacher!
Isn't it funny that we never realized all our moms sacrificed and how deeply they served us until we are now the Mommy?
This is such a wondeful post. Your mom sounds like a wise lady. I can relate to how your feeling, though my children are three in three years rather than four in five. I remember telling God He was making a misatake, because I like control way too much to have so many little ones. I realized as I prayed that He knew exactly what He was doing. I know He is trying to change me and doing so by blessing me. Sorry for the long comment. Know that people you don't even know will pray for you and your God-given life/lives.
what a wonderful nugget.
thank you.
i will look at my undiva self in the mirror and repeat that 20 times in those difficult moments and days when I dream of sitting alone in a cafe with a hot cup of something steamy.
it is well worth it.
and that day will come.
and I will probably only be able to reminisce about the good old days.
funny how that works.
" "Sarcrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more." Obviously, your mother is VERY wise! Great quote that I'll remember.
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