Finding out about Little Bit. . .

According to my pregnancy journal, my baby's heart began to beat today. (pause)

Wow.

It never ceases to amaze me how silly I am! Last Friday when I knew that I was late but lived several days in a state of denial ~ not taking a test, deep down in the depths of my soul I wanted to be pregnant. I'm so hopeless when it comes to my love for all things mother, baby, pregnancy. Hopeless. Utterly. When I took the silly little test, I must admit, even though I have a gaggle of kids, I hoped a little hope deep down that God would do it one more time. . .

And, He did, and I am so thankful for another little one.

Seeing that little line on that little stick does something to me deep down ~ no matter how many times I've seen it. I bet Michelle Duggar would say the same thing. New life never gets old!

I was thinking the other day about how I love that God keeps it a secret for 2 weeks! So, for two weeks we walk around pregnant while only He knows. :-) And, He laughed as Erik and I said for the umpteenth time that our family was complete ~ all the while knitting away within... He is so sneaky like that! I love it! :-)

Telling Erik about the new little one was scary for me. I wasn't sure how he would react. He has told me many times that he felt we were done. So, I sat across the dimly lit table and told him that I needed to tell him something, my tone very serious. I simply could not do it out loud. I was soooo nervous!!! So, I made him lean across the table, and I cupped my hands around his ear and whispered, "We're pregnant. . ." His reaction was timeless ~ a loud, "Oh, my goodness!!!!" followed by laughter, rich, strong laughter. The laughter relieved my nervous soul and broke the dam ~ tears flowed freely. And, our dinner conversation was full of joy and love and laughter. The evening was beautiful, simply, perfectly beautiful.

The next day fear came for a visit and stayed several days too long. How will you afford 5 children? Cars? College? Food? How will you give them enough of yourself? You will be spread too thinly! Life was just about to get easy for you ~ no diapers for the first time in 7 years!! You will be sooo old when this little one graduates high school! How will you manage them all? And, homeschooling ~ how will you do it? You may lose your mind!!

Thankfully, I sent fear packing on Tuesday. I can't worry about all those things today. I'll worry about that tomorrow! :-) (Scarlet, anyone?) I've got enough to think about today. I am going to enjoy this pregnancy ~ savor every moment!

Monday evening we took the boys out to dinner to tell them the big news! They were so cute! Erik said, "Mommy is going to have a baby." And, JCT very seriously said, "How? She isn't pregnant!" I guess he thought you have to have a big belly to be pregnant! They chatted the rest of the evening on and on about this new little one. Joshua continually hugged my belly. I didn't have the heart to tell him the baby isn't big enough to actually be in my belly yet!! And, JCT mapped out this baby's life. It made me laugh to see their different personalities processing the news! That night as we tucked the boys in their beds, JCT prayed for the baby. He prayed that, "our baby will be a Godly baby and grow into a Godly little boy and then a Godly man." How sweet!

I'll end with Joshua's journal entry from the morning after we told them the big news. . .

Note my small head! :-)

So, here I sit, sipping decaf coffee, pregnant at 34 ~ almost 35 years old, and, as always, God is good, so good.