Transitional Lessons. . .

We are in such a stage of transition right now. I can count on nothing. I can only go with the flow and hope for good things to come. Good things like stability, routine, and a somewhat organized life.

It is no secret that I love order. I thrive on routines, lists, and plans. My favorite past-time is to sit by the pool while the big boys swim and Elijah naps and to write out new lists and routines. I make lengthy detailed cleaning and organizing lists beginning with the laundry room and working my way through the entire house, every room, every corner, and every closet. It just feels good to see a plan on paper. I swear it releases some sort of relaxing hormone that runs throughout my body and makes me feel like a new person. My house may not look any better, but I feel like a new woman after I make a new list. And, routines, oh, how I love to write out a new routine. From 7-8 we will do this, from 8-9 we will do this, and on and on. . .

I came back from my trip to Nashville ready to sit down and make a new routine for July. A routine full of fun summer activities, summer meals, and special treats and outings. But, that all came crashing down like the walls of Jericho after I was home for one day. Tuesday. It will go down in history as one of my WORST MOTHERING DAYS EVER. Was it the fact that I had gone a whole weekend without anyone hanging on me, and suddenly 3 people were clinging to me constantly? Or, was it the fact that everyone and everything seemed to be out of order? Elijah is suddenly thinking that maybe one nap a day will be enough for him. And, JCT is thinking that maybe he doesn't need a nap at all anymore. Yet, both of their precious little personalities turn to terror when they don't get the sleep they so desperately need. And, even though I have done this before, and I consider myself a somewhat seasoned toddler mother, I can't for the life of me figure out how to handle the mass sleep confusion.

They are also getting up so early each morning that I am finding it impossible to have a quiet time. If I get up at 5:30, inevitably someone comes down the stairs with a huge sunshiny grin at 5:35. Ugghh. And, if that is not enough, looming in the ever so near future are the winds of change. The great, mighty, and powerful winds of change that come when your oldest child leaves home to start kindergarten the very same month that you give birth to your fourth child. I told Erik to begin preparing himself for August because I will be a tearful ball of post partal hormonal mush. The tears will flow, freely, and I will not attempt to hold them back. Get ready, my friends, get ready.

So, amidst this time of chaos and craziness, God has taught me two things.

#1 On the practical side of things, this lesson is in regard to my strong desire for a structured routine. I am learning that structure just doesn't cut it for me - at least not right now. I cannot know if Elijah will sleep in the morning or the middle of the day or the afternoon and the same for JCT, so we cannot plan by times. So, much of what we do is based on when the boys nap. The answer to my problems is, get this - big surprise- a list!!! Now I go by a very basic list of things that must be accomplished each day. Once each thing is done, I simply cross it off and keep going. . . So, whether I read to the big boys at 9:30 with a snack or late in the afternoon while we sit outside waiting for Daddy to come home, it gets done. And, really isn't that all that matters - the fact that it gets done - not so much when - but simply that it gets done. I have applied "my list" routine this week, and it has been so much more relaxing and easy to follow. Maybe this old stuffy, stiff mama can learn to go with the flow after all!! I never know what each day will look like, but I know that the most important things will be accomplished. And, my number one priority, is getting my boys the sleep that they need when they need it - rather than trying to get them to fit into my schedule. Now, I am setting my schedule around what is best for them, and it is so nice. Enough, already. . .

#2 My Spiritual Lesson. . . I was so frustrated last Tuesday. Can I say that once again. Last Tuesday was like the hardest. day. ever. Okay, I said it. I got up early to have some time alone with God, to get focused, and JCT came hopping down the steps a few minutes later. I looked up at the ceiling and said, "God, You are kidding me, right?" The theme of my day was this, "I need to be alone. I need to be still. Jesus, I need to hear from you. Speak to me. I need Your words. I just need to be alone. with. You. now." I felt desperate. I tried everything to get them occupied for just 30 minutes or so. I tried toys, a movie, a game, swimming, anything that might allow me to sit still for a few minutes and ponder deep things - things like our schedule, my spiritual state, changes we need to make as a family, etc. But, the opportunity never came. It was. . .

All children.

All day.

No break.

But, guess what, to steal the words from one of my favorite movies ever, "Tomorrow is a new day." And, you know what? Wednesday was a new day, a good day, a revealing day. And, God taught me a lesson that I hope I never forget. This is huge to me. . .

Tuesday, I was searching for God, seeking Him with all my heart. I felt lost and alone. I felt as if I was a million miles away from God, and I was trying with all that was in me to find Him. But, I was seeking Him in the way that comes most natural to me. I was seeking to be alone with Him, to sit at His feet, to be quiet, to focus, to read His word, to study His word. And, all of that is well and good and needed and beneficial. But, it is not the only way to be intimate with God. As I learned on Wednesday, there is another way to intimacy with Him. . .

I went to bed Tuesday night completely defeated, the white towel thrown in as I lay my head down. But, His mercies are truly new each morning. I got up Wednesday morning and once again attempted a quiet time - to no avail. Little feet went pitter patter on the steps shortly after I took my first sip of coffee. But, the thought occurred to me that there will be many years to have uninterrupted quiet times, and I welcomed the little man into my lap. We sat together and instead of reading Beth Moore, I read about the differences between the Triceratops and the Oviraptor. Stimulating reading for 5 a.m., I assure you. Talk about getting your brain going early! Anyway, the day continued on that note. And, you know what, I have never felt so close to God.

Was it the 3.2 seconds of scripture reading that I got done before JCT entered my world that morning? Was that what made the difference between Tuesday and Wednesday?

No.

This time I didn't find Him in His word (I never got a chance to read it!). I didn't find Him in a lengthy time of prayer and reflection.

No.

I found Him in the eyes of my children. I found Him in sacrifice, in love, and in service. I found Him in the forgetting about my own needs and focusing on the needs of the ones around me. I felt so near to His throne all day as I swam with my boys, as I read to them, as we baked a chocolate cake, and as we sat together and watched a movie. . .

Somehow, I have a tendency to equate closeness with God in time spent alone with Him, but thankfully, He doesn't always work that way. And, as the busy mother of three, that is a huge relief because finding time to actually be alone with Him and concentrate is hard. Those moments are few and far between. Thankfully, He knows. He understands. And, He meets us where we are.

Even if that means on a swing set or in a pile of sand.

He is there.

That is just the kind of God He is, because that is the kind of Father He is.