Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Way to My Little Man's Heart. . .

We knew it would be hard.

But, we had no idea how hard.

Until it was too late. Tickets bought. Deed done. Time to leave. There was nothing we could do.

And, a little boy melted into a puddle of tears on the concrete of our driveway, and I held him back with two hands as he watched Daddy's truck pull off with Daddy and his big brother snug in seats, ready for their weekend adventure. Sweet JCT cried, "Daddy! Wait! Don't leave me! Daddy! I want to go with you! Don't leave me, DADDDYYY!!!" And, with every ounce of 4 year old strength, he tried to push me off of him. He wanted to run after Daddy's truck.
And, I cried with him, and I cried for every precious mother who has had to hold her son and listen to him cry every weekend or every other weekend or every once in a blue moon when his Daddy drops in for a visit and then once again leaves ~ son in tears watching truck pull away. How they handle that kind of pain I'll never know. Breaks my heart to think of it.
After Daddy's truck was out of view, we sat in the driveway, and I held him as he cried until he could literally cry no more. I think the thing that finally broke things up was a silly little dried up worm in our garage. I pointed out to him that the dead dried up worm was in the perfect shape of the letter S. He wanted a closer look. Then, he started looking for other dried up worms. And, as he snubbed and wiped his cheeks we walked around looking for more worms. All was well and good until I called Daddy to let him know that JCT had calmed down. And, while Daddy was on the phone with JCT, he realized that he left his wallet at home. JCT realized that this meant Daddy was coming back, and he wouldn't leave the driveway for fear he might miss Daddy coming back to "get him." I kept assuring him that Daddy was coming back for his wallet only, but he would not hear of it.
You see, the whole story is this. . . Our nephew, Caleb, loves Nascar. So, for Caleb, Jason (Erik's brother), and Pop's (Erik's Dad) birthdays, Erik bought them all tickets to this weekend's race in Talladega. Due to the price of the tickets and the fact that JCT still has trouble sitting still for long periods at ball games, etc., we decided that Erik would just take Joshua. We have always said that we wanted Erik to take trips alone throughout the years with his boys to build individual relationships with them ~ good one on one time. So, we just thought this would be the first. Sounded easy enough months ago, but not today. Oh, no. JCT begged all morning to go along with them. Erik kept assuring him that when he was 6 he would get to go on a trip by himself with Daddy. He assured him that they would do something very fun together, but he just needed to be a little bit older. JCT looked at his Daddy with big eyes and said, "Now, I'm not talking bad about Joshua or anything, but when it is my turn to go on an alone trip with you, I'm going to invite Joshua to come!" Erik's heart was broken for him. I think at that point if he could have gotten a ticket for JCT he'd have done it. He was so sad.
So, as JCT and I sat and waited for Daddy to come back for his wallet, I kept telling him that this was Joshua's weekend, and he just had to be patient his time would come. But, he insisted that he. was. going. "I got a race to go to," he'd tell me. And, I was just so sad for him. But, then I remembered the Pringles BBQ chips I bought for him earlier this week for just this occasion. He loves Pringles BBQ chips, and I almost never buy them. But, I did this week because I knew he would need a happy. So, I opened the back of the van and pulled them out of their hiding place.
His face lit up! "Now, these are for you," I told him, "But, you cannot open them until after Daddy leaves. And, I'm going to let you have one of Daddy's bottles of root beer (another huge treat that rarely happens), but you can't have it until Daddy leaves either."
Daddy came. Daddy left. No tears.
We went inside, opened the Pringles, screwed the lid off an IBC, and this is the sweet face I saw. . .

I guess it is true what they say. . .

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. . .

Happy as a clam.

And, now after a night of trick or treating with his little brothers, my sweet JCT is snug as a bug in my bed. Before I began this post, I went in to check on him and kiss his sweet sleeping face. And, now I sit with a glass of milk and a small stack of Halloween cookies a neighbor brought over earlier today. What a day! I hate it for JCT that he didn't get to go, but he will get his turn and so will Lijah and Erik Daniel. It is good for Daddy to get some alone time with Joshua, and for Joshua to get to hang out with his cousin. And, I'll tell you just like I whispered to JCT as we sat at Pizza Hut (JCT's choice) and ate our dinner tonight. . .

"I know you were sad not to go with Daddy today. But, I sure am glad you are here with me right now."

And, in response I got the sweetest silliest little sideways grin you ever did see!!!!!

Oh, he has my heart!!! He so completely has. my. heart!!!!!!


Kristen said...

I had tears in my eyes as I read about JCT crying for his daddy. My husband is in the Navy and thankfully has only deployed one time, but this summer he was leaving for 9 months to Iraq. When the time came for him to go it didn't matter how much we had prepared our sweet 6 year old son. He sobbed and screamed "Daddy don't go" "Don't leave". It tore my heart out. I will never know how hard it was for my husband to walk away from us that day. But the great news is that God did a miracle for us. After 5 1/2 weeks of training they cancelled the deployment. So Daddy has been back with us since late August. I'm so thankful for how God worked this out for us but am mindful that there are many, many daddies who didn't get a reprieve like my husband. Thank you for all you share on your blog. I read it often and it really encourages me!

Ali said...

We are going through these moments ALOT with each brother getting to do different things with friends or age specific events... I just let them know... "When your brother goes it's just another moment for you to realize how much you love him."

Monkey Momma said...

I have two boys, two and 3.5 months. Now that the baby is here, I'm in awe of how wonderful my one-on-one time with our firstborn is. I also think, "And I thought having one child was difficult???" LOL!

But I look forward to doing these exact things...spending one on one time with my boys.

Jonez said...

Why do your posts always make me cry? You write so beautifully!

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.


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