Saturday, November 13, 2010

Trusting in Myself

The wind blows gently outside, the temperature is dropping a bit, and I am sitting in a house full of sleeping children and soft music with a coffee cup to my right, and a full heart within me. It is a good day.

Laundry beckons me as do ten other things including my greatest enemy ~ cluttered counter tops. But, I am going to stop for a second and reflect on this week. What a week I have had. God is teaching me so much, and my heart is drinking in His sweet words and His unending peace. I love Him for how He will not allow me to be satisfied by any single thing but Himself. When I begin to derail, to travel off course, I am miserable. I sense the separation, the error in my ways, and gently, sweetly, He speaks to me in a place so deep and intimate that no human is able to reach. And, He tells me like the wind whispering to my soul to trust Him. No matter the problem, no matter the error, the words I often hear spoken deep to my heart are these, "Trust Me, My child, trust Me."

I guess that is because the root of so many of my sins is trusting in myself. I seem to find myself trustworthy though that speculation is entirely inaccurate. Bless my heart. I always fall for it, over and over again. I am a thinker, a planner, so I think I have it all figured out. I have analyzed the situation and I can handle it and I know the best way to handle it!!! So, I follow hard after whatever rabbit I am chasing until I realize that I am exhausted, miserable, and things are simply not falling into place like I planned. Then, I realize that once again I have fallen for my age old sin. So, I fall to my knees, and beg Him to take the weight, to free me from my own cords of entanglement that are literally choking me. And, He is faithful. He is trustworthy, and I see that His way, the way of peace, patience, and self-control was the way to take all along. I tend to get a bit ahead of Him. I take the reigns and steer those horses fast and furious. I think fast is better. I think busy is better. I think I have to work, work, work myself into a dither. He says, "Hold My hand and tread peaceful steps with me Godspeed."

So, this week began as all the others. Without realizing it I dove into the week trusting in my lesson plans, my to do lists, and my own strength. And, by Wednesday, I was ready to throw in the white towel. And, so I did, and my sweet Savior caught it. He encouraged my heart to try things His way for a change. And, so Thursday, I woke up refreshed and ready to start anew, and it was a good day. His strength is perfect, His ways are right, and He. Is. Good. I am eternally grateful that my Creator cares enough to relate to me, to speak to my heart so tenderly, to love my restless soul, but most of all to never, though I deserve it over and over again, to never, ever give up on this silly little girl.

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.


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