I wouldn't have it any other way. . .

Life is full of stages. . . We are infants, toddlers, children, teenagers, college kids, grown ups, newlyweds, etc. . .

And, I, at present, am in the stage of life where little ones run wildly through my home. I believe that this is the stage of life where God, if you let Him, determines to diminish all bits of selfishness from a young mother's heart. Somedays I contemplate and compare myself to the "old me." The me that was free to do, for the most part, whatever she pleased. No longer. No more sipping coffee on the back porch alone with Erik while slowly warming up to the idea of morning. . . Now my very own little sunshine wakes me up - before the "real" sun has even thought of shining.

And, here is my little soliliquy. . . I now take showers with an audience of 2 little boys, laughing and making faces at me through the glass door. I have mastered the art of putting on eyeliner and mascara with a two year old sitting on my lap opening my powder compact and playing with my make-up brushes. I usually have sweet company at all times of the day - even when I sneak off to quickly use the bathroom. They can always find me. I can cook a three course meal using only one hand. And, though I carefully plan my day the night before, my children usually have others plans, and my beloved list is often discarded by midday. So, for someone who loves routine, I have learned a great deal about flexibility. And, for someone who loves to work hard and finish early, I have learned to slow down. After all, life is not a race. And, there is no need to rush when you can't get done early. This job is 24/7.

So, occasionally, I have these thoughts of longing for the former days. The days when I didn't have to fix meals for 3-4 people 3 times a day or take an hour and a half out of every evening to bathe, read, brush teeth, fix beds, pray, sing, and tuck in my two little ones. On occasion, I long for the days when I could get up and take care of just me. Drink my coffee slowly and read my Bible for an hour if I wanted - when I had time to really think, really pray.

But, you want to know the truth? That would be nice for a day, or maybe an hour. . . But, when I really think about it, I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I would miss my little audience during my shower. And, I would miss making PB&Js and slicing apples. And, no matter how tired I get of reading JCT his favorite books over and over (you know, the ones that I memorized a year ago, but I am still reading daily), I know in my heart of hearts that I would miss reading them. And, when it really comes down to it. . . I love my life.

I love my life.

I love my boys. I love taking care of them. I love the sound of their laughter in the afternoon when we play outside. I love taking them along with me when I exercise. The jog stroller on hills, after all, makes me stronger than running or walking by myself. I love holding them when they get sick or hurt. I love that I know every freckle. I know every bump and scratch on their skin, and I know how it got there. And, every now and then when I ride alone in the car, it is just plain boring. . . too quiet. I miss them when we are apart for any length of time. They make me laugh. They make me better. As I am attempting to grow them in character and selflessness, God is using them to grow in me character and selflessness. Isn't that funny? The majority of my spiritual growth is not taking place in my "quiet times," during this stage of life. I am in a different school now. I am growing daily as I learn to serve and lay down my will and my desires for what is best for the little ones God has entrusted me with. Alot less thought, but alot more action.

I am in the Goldfish and Cheerio stage of motherhood, and I am embracing it. Is it trying? yes. Is it tiring? yes. Is it at times frustrating? oh, yes. Do I often feel like throwing in the towel? yes. Do I complain? yes, too much. But, is it worth it? Oh, my, YES! And, do I love it? YES!

My life is far from perfect, and it certainly isn't easy. But, it is wonderful. And, the best part is at night after my sons are snug in their beds. And, I am sitting in bed reading by the light of my little lamp. Beside me, I can hear the man I love more than anyone breathing sweet sleepy breaths. And, I pause for a minute, put my book down, and stare up at the ceiling thanking God for giving me this day, this life. Then, I turn off the lamp, and curl up under the covers - feeling completely spent and depleted. But, I am satisfied. I am needed, in a more vital way than ever before in my life. And, I know deep in my heart that today I have given my all, my best, all that I am to the ones that I love most. My exhaustion is quite possibly the most fulfilling thing that I have felt all day. Because today was an ordinary day, an everyday, kind of day. . . a day well spent. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.