Lessons from Flying Solo

When my mom and I first saw this picture, we laughed and decided that it should be labeled, "And, reality sets in." The reality that I am the mother of 3 boys! The reality that my house will be filled with cowboys running wild! No doubt, my journey will be one filled to the brim with constant motion, curiosity, noise, and general chaos. But, fear not, I am 100% on board and excited about the road ahead! Little cowboys, take me away!!!!!

This was my first week alone with the boys. My mom stayed with me the week Elijah was born, Erik the week after, and his mother the week after that. And, though some (a.k.a. Joshua) doubted me, we have made it quite well. One day last week while Erik's mother was with us, I was tucking Joshua in bed, and he asked, "Mommy, how will you do it?" Confused, I asked, "What do you mean?" To which he answered, "What will you do when Grandma leaves? How will you do it all?" Beginning to feel a little insecure, I asked, "How will I do what all? What do you mean?" He answered, "Like washing the dryer and all that. How will you do it all?" I reminded him that I had a very special helper boy that would help me, and I assured him that we would make it just fine.

And, so we have. I have even "washed the dryer" - 8+ loads of laundry have been done this week alone! I have come to the realization that even my 2 year old can be a great little helper! And, they both love to be helpers, so I have allowed them the privilege. Who knows how long it will last, but I am enjoying the aid!

I tend to over do it the month or so before a baby comes. I work so hard to get our entire life in order so that when the baby comes I can simply rest and focus on our family alone. And, even though I drive myself and my husband crazy in the last months of each pregnancy, the reward is sweet. When the baby comes, a peace comes over our home, and I am feeling that peace right now. Like a soft sweet breath of fresh air blowing through the house, the baby brings in a time of tranquility. We lay low for 2 months after having a baby. Erik doesn't let me take the baby to public places, etc., so we are virtually homebound for 8 weeks. And, though that sounds boring to most, to someone who has been running nonstop for the past 10 months, it is heaven on earth.

And, since I have had some time to be still and listen, I have heard God whispering sweetness to my heart. And, there is nothing more wonderful than that! I have finally slowed down enough to see that in my busyness, I was missing so much. . .

I'm not sure whether it is because Elijah looks so much like Joshua or what it is, but I have been awestruck by how big Joshua is getting. It is as if I have completely missed the last 4 years. Where did they go? Just yesterday I was holding his little newborn body, and now he is 4 years old, long and lean and growing like a weed. There is nothing baby about him. He is all little boy now. Erik and I are praying about whether or not to homeschool our boys. If we do send them to school, then I only have one more year at home with my Joshua. One more year, to be with him during all those wonderful morning and afternoon hours. One more year, to make him PB&J's and to sit down and enjoy them with him. One more year to spend the afternoons blowing bubbles, drawing with sidewalk chalk, and reading books to him before naptime. Where, oh, where has the time gone?

So, slowing down has reminded me that I need to live each moment to fullest with my children because these moments will soon be memories. Just like all the older ladies at the grocery store stop and tell me when I am about to pull my hair out because my boys are being disobedient and hyper, and I just want to. be. done. shopping. . . "Enjoy these days, they don't last forever. . . They'll grow up before you know it. . . Enjoy them while you have them. . . You'll just turn around one day and they'll be all grown up. . . Enjoy them. . ." They are growing fast. . . And, the last thing I want to do is miss it, or should I say to miss enjoying it.

So, in this, my first week flying solo with 3 little ones, I have been challenged once again to "stop and smell the roses." For years, I have said with all confidence, "I can have a clean house later, I want to focus on my children now." But, just as soon as I said it, I would bury myself again in organizing, cleaning, and list making. Because I am type A, it is so incredibly hard for me to let go and play when there are clothes sitting in the dryer getting all wrinkly or when there are dishes sitting in the sink waiting to be washed. Not only that, but I tend to find myself sitting in one of our Adirondack chairs by the swing set making to do lists (one of my favorite past-times), instead of joining my sons in their games. And, I, also, tend to put a movie on in the car so that I can call my friends and talk while we run errands. You know it is bad when you hear your two year old say, "Get dat phone off yo ear, Mama." Conviction.

It is an honor and a privilege to be able to stay at home with my children, but if I am constantly trying to engage them in activities so that I can do what I want to do. . . What is the point of that? Now, I am not saying that I should drop everything and play with my children all day. That would not be right at all. There would be no dinner, no clean clothes, and scary things would be growing in our toilets and showers. And, to be quite honest, right or wrong, I am a better mother, wife, friend, and person when there is less clutter on my counters. That is just a fact. If there is a phobia of clutter, I have it. So, I guess what I am saying is that slowing down has made me realize the value of these days. It has made me realize that the balance between doing what I want to do and playing with my children has been off in my life. The scales were tipping toward my own selfishness, and I had not realized it. I have been a different mama this week, and I pray that this new mama remains.

Now, my house is cluttered. And, no doubt, there is little boy tinkle around the rim of the toilet seats that needs to be Clorox wiped (a daily chore for a mama with little boys). But, I am satisfied. I am satisfied with this week. It was truly a week well spent.