A Moment

I've been complaining a lot lately. Because life with 3 little ones can be quite difficult at times. In fact, I have been overwhelmed with life in general. I completely forgot about the boys' haircuts this morning. So, not only do I feel awful for wasting an hour of my hairdresser's time (I dropped by and payed her to relieve my guilty conscience), but also my boys now have to wear shaggy hair for the next 2 weeks until she can work them into her schedule. Ugghh. It would be fine if this was an isolated event, but I have felt quite often lately that my life is running away from me, leaving me confused and scratching my head somewhere in the distance.

Then, today I had one of those moments. You know, one of those moments that makes it all worth it. Amidst the frustration of missing the hair appt., the busyness of getting lunches made, eaten, and dishes cleaned, 4 loads of laundry cleaned, dried and folded, several imminent phone calls made, sticky situations discussed, errands run, a dog taken out twice to do "his job," a book or two read, an email or two responded to, a baby nursed twice, solid foods attempted twice, discipline handed out - along with love, and two boys prepped for naps, amidst the blur that is my life at this particular stage, I had a moment. I was holding JCT, singing, rocking, and getting him ready to lay down for his nap when it hit me.

I like to think of the whole rocking thing as a subtle form of hypnosis. There is a certain way to hold him and sing to him. And, if you do it just right, he will slowly begin to blink his eyes, long sleepy blinks. Then, sweetly, softly, he will drift away to sleepyland in my arms. And, I will begin to lower him down to his trundle bed on the floor, but just before I put him down, he will open his eyes, look up at me, and say in a quiet sleepy voice, "Sing me one more song, Mommy, one more song, please. Love you up to the moon song." And, I always oblige him this simple request because I love him, and I love the "love you up the moon" song. As soon as I begin singing, his eyes will once again close - this time not to be opened again until he has had an hour or two of rest filled sleep. It is a process that we do twice daily, once before nap and once before bedtime. It is a precious process and one that I take for granted far too often. But, today I didn't. Today I had a moment.

It was as I was singing to him that the thought occurred to me. I looked down at his pillow, with his silky placed just so over his pillowcase - just the way I always do it. And, the sweetness of these days hit me smack in the face.

And, I wondered, one day will I be willing to give almost anything to go back and live one day of my life right now again? To be young and healthy, to have the great privilege of holding a little hand as I cross a parking lot, to feed tiny pieces of bread to a growing baby, to kiss a boo boo, or to rock a little boy to sleep in my arms. To be completely, wholeheartedly irreplaceable to three little boys who call me mom. Three little boys who love me, trust me, and miss me when we are apart. These are the things that define this stage of my life, simple, wonderful things. They are the little everyday things that I take for granted so often.

These are long days. I spend a lot of time watching the clock, counting down until the reinforcements come in to take over, or Erik gets home, anyway. But, these are also very sweet days. I just need to remember that. . .

Lord, make me ever mindful of the blessing that is my life today. I spend much too much time thinking about and planning for tomorrow. I spend much too much time worrying about trivial things. Teach me to live in the moment, living each moment to fullest, being all there, all in the moment, not in my thoughts, worries, or plans. I want to parent like You, Father. I love You. Amen