Tuesday, July 27, 2010

His Captive

I have a funny little memory that is very special to me ~ a sweet God moment. I was sitting alone on my little twin bed in my high school bedroom, my legs were crossed and I was stressed. I was wrestling with God over a typical 17 year old girl problem. I knew what God was asking me to do, but I was giving Him an earful of what if's. "But, what if... And, then... And, what will I do when..." I was gone, out of control, nearly hysterical arguing with Him!! Didn't He understand all the ways this decision might affect me socially?? Didn't He see how my silly little world might crumble before me?? And, then, in the middle of my crying out, sobbing, head down looking at my comforter, He did something so amazing and personal that I still love to think about it. It was as if He clapped His hands to silence me. He commanded my attention. He broke through my hysteria. And, He lifted my head. Literally, as if His hand was under my chin pushing my head up, it moved. And, my eyes focused on the left corner of my room right beside my window. And, He said to me, "Keep your eyes fixed on me. Do not look to the left or to the right. There are a lot of what ifs and could be's to the left and to the right. But, I am asking you to put on your blinders, and look only at Me. Trust Me."

And, I did.

And, I never, ever looked back.

And, it was a pivotal moment in my life.

And, I cannot tell you how many times as I have wrested through decisions in life, He has taken me back to that night in my mind and said, "Child, do not look to the left or the right. Keep your gaze fixed on Me."

Yesterday, I had another one of those moments. I've been struggling with something for several days now, really struggling, wavering, stressing, lacking peace. So, yesterday afternoon I did what I usually do when I am feeling this way. I stormed my CD collection for anything by Christy Nockels. Because for some reason, so often God meets me there, in one of her songs, in her God-given words. So, I put on my Watermark's Grateful People CD and went on about my business. A little while later I was caught completely off guard by the song Captivate Us. I was holding Erik Daniel, and we stood in front of the CD player and listened as God poured His sweetness over me. He reminded me, very gently, that the answers to my concerns are not found to the right or to the left. The answers are not found in the what if's and could be's. The answers are found in one place, in one place only, in Him. And, even if the what if's are reasonable concerns, they should not have become my focus. They were captivating me which I suppose means that I was their captive! And, like Peter focusing on the wind and the waves, I lost my balance, my focus, my security, and my peace.

Captivate Us, Lord Jesus, set our eyes on You. Devastate us with Your mercy falling down. . .

It is my prayer ~ to be His captive ~ no one else's, nothing else's.


Jenny said...

Beautifully said, Erin! And I happen to LOVE that song. :)

Anonymous said...

that is a beautiful testimony of God's love and power in your life. may we all stay fixed upon His face!

Kari C in SC said...

This is what I needed to read this morning. Thank you.

Sarah said...

I love you, sweet friend.

Amy Sullivan said...

My first time here, and I love the line in your profile that talks about blogging is a way you keep your memories safe.

It's hard sometimes not to let the "what ifs" get us, and instead focus on him. Good reminder.

by Cheri said...

"Be strong & courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

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Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.


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