Sweet Days. . .

Being a mama is hard.

So, hard.

And, I am discovering that it only gets more difficult with each new stage. First, there is the lack of sleep stage/fussy baby stage. I remember with Joshua trying so hard to figure out why he was crying. Was he hungry, did he need to eat? Or, was his tummy hurting, and in that case feeding him might just cause him more pain? Or, was he simply overtired? Do I let him cry himself to sleep or is that cruel? It all seemed so difficult, so confusing, and though there were a thousand books out there to read, none of them were written about Joshua by someone who really could give me the answers that I wanted/needed. Unfortunately, he didn't come with a detailed owner's manual.

Next, there is the temper tantrum stage. Oh, Lord, have mercy on my soul! JCT has this stage mastered. This stage lasted about 2 months with my Joshua, but my JCT, my darling JCT, has been in this stage for nearly 2 years now! And, though, I can honestly say tantrums don't happen often, when they do, they aren't fun, and I do not like them, not one little bit. Elijah began this stage a few months ago, and so the two have overlapped on me, and, really, there should be rules against such.

And, I guess that I would have to say the next stage involves letting them leave the nest for a bit of time each day to go to school. Oh, my heart! My heart has left my body, and he is walking around at school all day. And, this stage can be so hard when feelings get hurt, when things are seemingly so unfair.

I called my sister a few months ago to complain. Her first four were born all in four years. So, she completely gets my life. And, I bow before her majesty, the Queen mom, because she now has double the number of children that I have. And, every time that I call her to complain, I preface my complaint with, "I know your life is a lot more difficult than mine, but remember back to when you only had four kids. . ."

So when I called this particular day, I was looking for empathy. Four needy children clammoring around me was driving me insane! I mean really does Elijah have to be held 24/7? My arms can only bear so much, and Erik Daniel needs to be held, too. And, JCT wants help with everything! Can't he play something that he can do by himself, something that doesn't require my constant attention. I mean really there is only one of me. I can only be stretched so far, and I am warning you guys I may break. Seriously, break, break into a billion pieces on the floor.

But, you'll never believe it, instead of empathy from my sis, I heard her sighing sweet sighs, as I described the details of my seemingly difficult life. The gist of what she said in response to my complaints was. . .

"Those are such sweet days, Erin. Enjoy them! There are wonderful things about having teenagers. They are independent. They are fun. They become like friends to you, but, Erin, they are gone so often. Between school and sports and work and church and friends, I don't see them that often. Family dinner has become a joke. I make dinner, and we all eat it on the go. When we do things "as a family," it is usually just Kurt and me and the little girls. The big kids are just gone so much now. The days that you are in right now are hard physically. The days that I am in right now are hard emotionally. I know it can be difficult, but those days are so sweet. Really, Erin, they are. Enjoy them. They'll be gone before you know it."

And, something in her voice sounded a bit like a longing, like she missed these days that she called "sweet." This truly impacted me. I think about her words nearly every single day. She has altered my perspective. The reason that I know that her words have impacted me is that I had this conversation with her before Thanksgiving, and I still can't get it out of my mind.

Now when I look at the little one standing at my feet, pulling on my pant leg, saying, "Com-on! Pay wit' me! Com-on,"I envision him as a teenager walking out the door, kissing me goodbye, and going off to do whatever it is that God called him to do that day, leaving me to do my housework alone, with no one to follow behind and mess up everything that I straighten, with no one to beg me to let him help fold laundry or put away clean dishes, with no one standing at my feet begging me to hold him or "pay wit" him. And, my heart pauses as I look at the sweet face of the one looking up at me, and suddenly I am not as frustrated, not as overwhelmed, not as aggravated, and not as impatient. And, I feel drawn to join in their play, drawn to kiss their chubby soft cheeks, drawn to hold them close, to sit and watch Diego with a child in my lap, drawn to soak up each moment of their childhood before it is gone. . .

All the stages are sweet. I love them all, and, at times, I dislike them all. But, all in all, the stages are wonderful, each is precious to my heart. I have watched my Joshua grow into a little man at school this year. And, this, more than anything, has made me realize that Kristin is right ~ time does go by so quickly. They will not be babies forever, even if it seems like it some days. I will not always have a baby in tow. One day shopping trips will be easier, dinners out at restraunts will be easier, traveling will be easier, but I won't have babies. I won't have little ones flocking to my side. I will never be here again.

And, there are wonderful things about being here.

Yes, here is a wonderful place to be.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else,

anywhere on earth,

other than right here, right now.

Life is good.

Often it is hard.

But, it is always good.

How could it not be good when I get to spend my days with these smiling faces?

Sweet days.