My World Has Officially Been Rocked. . .

by the stomach virus.

For years I have heard my friends complain about the stomach virus tearing through their families affecting each and every member. But, I never really understood how completely devasting that is until Sunday night when I experienced it firsthand. And, my, oh, my, it was the worst experience of my life thus far.

You see, my memories of the stomach virus involve a loving mother who held my hair back for me and washed my face and neck with cool wet rags while I hugged the potty. And, afterward she would walk me back to the couch where she made a soft snug little bed for me. Then, she would kiss my forehead, whisper, "Jesus make you well," and tuck me in with an ice cold glass of sprite to sip and a bowl sweetly placed beside the couch just in case.

Oh, but things are different now, mainly because she lives 4 hours away, and I am currently the resident "mama" of this home. Elijah, Joshua, and I spent Sunday night vomiting all night long. It was a party of sorts, and no one enjoyed it. I slept on a blanket on the concrete floors in our mudroom where I could have quick and easy access to the powder room potty. Erik slept on the couch and played nurse all night long taking care of the two sick boys since I was unfortunately occupied. Joshua ended up sleeping on the rug in the boys bathroom because he said his stomach didn't hurt as badly there as it did in his bed. The monitors in the kitchen were both on, so I could hear my sweet husband cleaning up my babies, saying things like, "I'm so sorry, buddy. I know. I'm so sorry." What a night! I don't think I have ever been that sick in my entire life, and I am still recovering from that night of terror. It sucked the life right out of me.

Monday, I had no energy, I ached all over, and I was so nauseated that Zofran didn't even help me. Joshua and Elijah felt my pain. They had no energy and simply wanted to lay around all day. But, guess who had boundless energy?

My JCT.

He had the virus Friday night, so he was feeling better and was ready to go. . .

"Mommy, can we go outside?''

"No, baby, it is too cold and Mommy doesn't feel good today."

"Mommy, can we go to Wal-mart?"

"No, baby, Mommy doesn't feel good, and we are staying home today."

"Mommy, can cook something?"

"No, baby, Mommy doesn't feel like eating or cooking today."

"Dossuuuaaa (Joshua), wanna go upstairs and pway pirates!!!???" Joshua is unresponsive laying on the couch.

"JCT, Joshua doesn't feel like going upstairs and playing. He just wants to rest on the couch today."

It really is no fun being the only well one in a house full of sick people!! But, thankfully, yesterday afternoon we turned the corner. After a morning of being really quite pitiful, we all perked up a bit. Joshua actually started playing with JCT again, Elijah ate a few Cheerios, and I actually felt a little hungry! We went out on the back porch for a little fresh air. I blew bubbles until I really thought I might pass out, and the boys danced around popping them. Their laughter was medicine to me!

Last night, I had more energy - thanks to the chicken soup Deana B brought me along with all the gatorade, sprite, coke, popsicles, crackers and other goodies she left on my doorstep over the course of the week. She is quite possibly the most thoughtful person in the world!! She even went around town to various gas stations trying to find Erik's favorite Tangerine Gatorade since the grocery was out of it. A big thanks to my sweet, sweet friend.

I realized as I got my little ones ready for bed last night the great blessing that health is. The strength to hold my three year old in my arms, to rock him and sing to him. Clean, healthy boys in clean pajamas snuggled in fresh clean linens. Ahhhh, the blessing of a home filled with peace and health, energy, love and strength. These are the little things that I take for granted so often. And, then this morning I asked my Joshua if he wanted anything to eat, and he replied, "No, I just want somebody to come upstairs and play with me. Wanna come upstairs and play with me James Siffer?" And, then a resounding, "YES!!!!!" from JCT followed by the pitter patter of my oldest sons racing up the wooden staircase. It was music to my ears.

Oh, thank You, Jesus for health!!

Not to be outdone by the youngest. . .

This post was originally, wholly, supposed to be about this little one. . .






Let me introduce you, this is my youngest, my darling little surprise from God. The sonographer gave us a glimpse into this little one's life inside of me yesterday.


Yes, I am pregnant. It is official. There is a small strawberry sized child swimming around (or doing Karate, as the sonographer said) in my belly. I have had a little trouble believing that this baby was real. Mostly, I think, because this baby wasn't planned like the others. I wasn't mentally prepared for it. God sorta thrust this one upon us, and we are most grateful!

In fact, Amy, the sonographer looked at me very confused when I walked into her room. She expected me to be large with child. She remembered doing an ultrasound on me not that long ago and thought this US was of Elijah still in my belly. Thankfully, that was not the case. We laughed and explained that we simply got pregnant again fairly quickly.


I am always a bit nervous before the first US. Will there really be a baby in there? Will the heart be beating? Will the baby be okay? I'm not a sick pregnant person, and I'm not showing yet, so I really have had no proof that this little one was real. But, now I have my proof! Erik and I both think we most likely saw boy parts on this little one, so we are convinced that we will be one boy short of a basketball team!!! I am 12 weeks and 2 days! Time is flying!!!!


After the US Erik and I hurried home, fed the kids, and took them to the church for a much beloved P.N.O. (Parent's Night Out). After dropping them off, Erik and I headed to a local restaurant for dinner. We ate and talked without interruption. We didn't have to cut up food, feed a baby, or say, "Sit on your bottom," fifty thousand times. We just talked. And, our conversation centered around the darling little one that we had seen a glimpse of earlier that day. For a few hours the new little one stole the show. . .


But, his moments of glory, as the focus of the family were not to last long. . . The tide turned dramatically moments after we returned home from picking up the boys at church. When we came in the door, I was proudly showing Joshua US pics of the new baby when JCT announced that his "tummy hwurts. . ." A few minutes later I looked down and found JCT standing at my feet with his arms wrapped around his tummy repeating over and over, "Mommy my tummy hwurts. My tummy hwurts, Mommy." I grabbed him and held him over the sink, and what happened next was volatile.


Now, this was a first for me. Somehow over the past 5 years, we have avoided the stomach virus. I have never had to hold, love, and clean up a vomity little boy. And, I'll say it is something I hope I never have to do again, but, unfortunately, I know that I will.


So, after JCT finished at the sink, I put him down, and he said, "Hmm. My tummy don't hwurt anymo'ore, Mommy. My tummy feels all better now!" And, off he went to play completely unphased by the entire thing. Of course, Joshua was phased by it, and whenever JCT got within 2 feet of him, he would yell, "Stay away from me!!!!!! YOU ARE SICK!!!! Get away!!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA GET SICK" And, then Joshua would run and hide from JCT. It is that selfless love we preach at our house coming out in trying times, you know?


Erik left for a high school basketball game, and I put Elijah to bed. I was actually hoping that this might be just a fluke emesis, a lone vomiting. I got the big boys upstairs and in bed. I left a bowl beside JCT's trundle bed, and told him to throw up in it if he felt sick again. After prayers and songs, I headed downstairs to relax and sterilize myself. But, a few minutes later, I heard Joshua crying on the monitior. "Not him, too, " I thought, and as fast as lightening I ran up the stairs.


What did I find?


I found Joshua sitting up in bed crying, and JCT curled up on his bed trying to sleep.


"Joshua, what is it?" I asked.

"JCT threw up!" Joshua cried to me.


Then, JCT sat up, perky I might add, and said with great pride, "Yeah, Mommy, I throwed up in dat bowl jus' like you tole me to!"


Oh, good. I checked the bowl, and sure enough a deposit had been made. At this point I thought JCT could not possibly be flesh of my flesh because he was handling this throwing up thing WAY too well. He didn't even need me.


So, I picked him up, took him to the bathroom and cleaned him off. Joshua followed us. After I finished cleaning JCT up, I noticed that he was unusually quiet. I asked him if he felt sick again, and he said yes. And, before I could get him to the toliet, he began again. As I told Erik, the poor child vomited like a grown man, huge amounts and with great force. All the while, Joshua is standing in the hall, crying. Except to say, crying, wouldn't do his response justice. He was wailing. You know when the Bible talks about, "and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth," yeah, that is more like what I heard as I held my little bear over the toliet. But, JCT, amazingly, remained completely unphased by it all - even with all his big brother's drama. Once again afterward he remarked that his tummy felt better, and this time he added that he wanted to go to sleep. So, after a little cleaning, I put them both back to bed.


Erik came home, and we went to bed. After a couple of false alarms and one more large deposit in the bedside bowl, I decided that I better sleep upstairs. I made a bed beside JCT's trundle, and the little guy has been fine ever since. I woke up to a home filled with the lovely aroma of Lysol and a little boy whispering, "Mommy, I'm tirsty. Can I have sometin' to dwink?"

His big brother still won't come within 2 feet of him, but other than that JCT's little life seems to be back to normal. Oh, and there is the fact that I won't let him kiss Elijah. And, this has been more tramatic to JCT than the projectile vomiting episodes of last night. Go figure?

Now that things have calmed down, and everyone is well, at least for the time being, my thoughts are beginning to float back to the little one inside of my belly. The little one who became real to us yesterday! We are so busy with the big boys that it was fun to focus on the new one for a little bit. I'll never forget the smile on Erik's face and the joy in his voice when he looked at the US screen and then at me and said with astonishment, "There is a little baby moving around inside of you!"

Unimaginable.

Thank You, Jesus.

Valentine Fun-due. . .

I like to call this picture "the face of fondue. . ."

Honestly, I tried to take an equal amount of pictures of Joshua and JCT eating fondue for the first time. But, JCT stole the show! He loved every minute of it - stuffing whole large chocolate covered marshmallows in his mouth, making silly faces, stabbing his pound cake pieces mercilessly, and making a huge mess - as per usual. He had Erik and I cracking up! The little man knows how to enjoy his food!

Yum!!

For some strange reason this picture of JCT reminds me so much of his Daddy! Maybe it is because I have seen this exact same expression on Erik's face a time or two. . .

Happy Valentines Day, little men! I hope you had fun!

Valentine Sweets. . .

The boys and I made these sweetheart cookies yesterday! I am a seasonal candy fanatic. I love candy corn, candy canes, sweetheart candies, and jelly beans! So, my love for sweethearts inspired these cookies! They were so easy to make and so fun! The boys love to cut cookies out of dough, and they love to lick leftover icing from the bowl! Great helpers they are! We made these to give away, and kept only two cookies for my two little sweethearts!! This is sure to become a valentine tradition for our family!!

Mom, here is the picture I promised. We made this for a special anniversary for a sweet friend!

What a Day!!!

I had two main objectives for this day today, the twelfth day of February 2008. #1 I wanted to make these valentines for Joshua to take to his Valentine exchange party at pre-school on Thursday, and #2 I wanted to make a certain dinner for a certain someone who requests it from me occasionally, and when I don't bring it very often he sings, "You don't bring me lasagna anymore. . ." Sooooooo, since his wife is feeling really crumby and sick and is presently two states away from him, my husband thought that making his buddy lasagna might be a nice idea, and I agreed.



So, I got Joshua out the door with his Daddy, and then turned around and hurried my other two little men through eating breakfast, getting dressed, and the in general getting ready. to. go. Most likely if a little birdie had been spying on me, he would have heard me say my two most commonly used hurried expressions, "Come on let's GO, GO, GO!" and "Chop Chop!" 50+ times in thirty minutes. I finally got everything together, sippy cups, cheerios, grocery list, Wal-Mart list, and a miniscule amount of sanity that I still had at this point in the day. So, we headed out the door.



I opened Elijah's side van door, and all seemed to be working fine, so I put the cute little mister in his carseat. But, when I went to shut the door it wouldn't shut on its own. I had to manually shut it. Oh, yes. I atttempted JCT's side van door, and it wouldn't open for me. I tried cranking the van. Dead. Silence. Nothing. I sat there for a minute my brain reeling. I had way too much to do today for this to happen. So, I did what I always do when I am in a bind.



I called my calm, reassuring, always has an answer for everything, and never gets his feather's ruffled husband, and I did what I do best - gave him an earful. The poor man has an office full of patients, office staff standing in line with questions regarding the health and well being of real people with real life and death situations, and his wife is on the other end of his cell phone nagging him about a dead battery and how am I going to pick up Joshua, and Deana B isn't here, and I need help, and I gotta get to Wal-Mart, and Sean's lasagna is going to have to wait, and this is too much I can't handle it, help me, pray for my nerves today, this is over the top, and now my cell phone battery is dying too, and I've already called AAA like 3 times in the past 6 months for tire related problems, and do they handle batteries in cars, and I can't put 3 carseats in your Expedition, and how in the world will I get this battery replaced with all the other bazillion things that I have to do, and with three children hanging all over me, tell me, Erik how, how, how. . .



If you know my husband, he very calmly reassured me that all would be fine, and he sent one of the girls from his office with his Expedition. She helped me get the little boy's carseats in his truck, and off I went to Wal-Mart and the grocery. Our Wal-Mart shopping trip was rather uneventful, reminiscent of the days when Joshua was 2 and JCT was a baby. My main objective at Wal-Mart was finding a heart-shaped muffin tin for making the heart-shaped multi-colored crayons that go along with the valentine I wanted to make for Joshua's classmates. Found it! Got it! After a bit more shopping, I made my way to the check out counter only to find that JCT had added an additional item to my shopping cart, white decorator icing. Not a problem. In fact, I had been planning to make cookies for valentines day, so I let the cashier ring up JCT's bonus item. But, I neglected to notice that the heart-shaped muffin tin, mysteriously, was not among the items being rung up. Several hours later when the rain was pouring, Joshua was home, Elijah was ready for a nap, and the boys needed to eat lunch, I noticed that the heart-shaped muffin tin was not only not in any of my bags from Wal-Mart, but also it was not on my reciept. And, that meant one thing and one thing only. . . JCT had disposed of it somewhere in that large store we like to refer to as the place of eternal destruction. So, what did I do?



Why, I called Erik, of course.



And, I assure you that he was very glad to hear from me because I was a regular ray of sunshine on this rainy day. And, it was one something, and he still was seeing his morning patients because it is "sick" season, and knowing that he was busy and had much better things to do, still I called and still he listened, calmly.



And, that ladies and gentlemen is why I married him.



He sat very quietly, peacefully actually, once again while I explained how I really wanted to get these valentines made with Joshua during JCT's naptime today, and I have to have the heart-shaped muffin tin in order to make the valentines, and it's raining cats and dogs, and tomorrow is our out of town day so I can't make the valentines tomorrow, so I have to do it today, and it is already one o' clock, and if I don't make these valentines then I will have to search the internet for another kind to make and that could take hours, and I don't have time for that, and yeah, I guess I could have just used store bought valentines, but really I love crafts and I want Joshua to be part of this, besides I looked at Wal-Mart and all they had were silly cartoon characters, and I love paper crafts, and so does Joshua, but what do I do because I don't want to take Joshua to Wal-Mart without a carseat, but there is no other way to get there, and I really need to get there, and it is raining, and I'll have to get everyone out, and we'll all get soaked, and I know Wal-Mart is super close to our house, but what if we got in an accident, and what if the seatbelt wasn't enough to save Joshua, and I could never, ever forgive myself, even though we do live in a state that says it is okay for Joshua to be out of a carseat, still, I can't do it, Erik, but I really want that heart shaped muffin tin right now so I can make the valentines during naptime, and it is naptime now, so what do I do, what, what, what???



What did he say? He offered to borrow Sean's car, get the muffin tin, and bring it to me during his lunch break - which was already almost over. And, of course, I wouldn't let him do that. So, I loaded the kids up and drove the Expedition no faster than 25 mph all the way to Wal-Mart. We got the muffin tin, the only one left, and were home all in less than 20 minutes - one of the few perks of living in a small town!

I got the little boys down for naps, let the dog tinkle, and then tackled the valentine craft with Joshua! I highly recommend this craft! Watching the crayons melt was very fun, and you really cannot mess this craft up! Very fun and pretty!



I have no idea why I am writing all of this. Maybe it is therapy for me now that the stress of the day is over. What happened this evening is another post for another time, another day. I am too tired to tackle it tonight. At present, Vannie still sits stone cold in the garage. But, after Erik finishes coaching his Upwards Basketball team, he is hopefully going to bring home a new battery for our sweet Van that I love and miss. One day without her, reminded me of how thankful I am for her. I will never again take for granted wide opening, automatic doors, and DVD players.

And, here is a picture of what success looks like, resilience, not giving up nor backing down in the face of adversity. . .

I know that the day would have been a lot easier had I just made a simple paper valentine. But, hey, Joshua's classmates will get a cool multi-colored heart-shaped crayon with their valentine, and that makes the whole day worth it. . .

Not really.

Oh, well, so I blew today out of proportion. That happens occasionally in my world. Tomorrow is a new day, and His mercies are new each morning! I am claiming that as I put an end to this whirlwind of a day!

Daddy's Home!!!!!!

Erik spent the last 5 days with Sean in their favorite state. . .

North Carolina.

I have mentioned before, but I will say it once again, the bond between Erik and Sean began by the fact that they both bleed blue. The only problem is that Erik's blood is several shades lighter than Sean's. But, somehow they manage to remain friends, brothers, really. Erik has been a UNC lover his whole life and Sean a Duke lover. And, the fact that they remain such amazingly close friends is soley a testimony to their selfless love for God and eachother.

This trip is just one of the many basketball centered trips that they have taken together. Sometimes the trip has been to attend the ACC tournament together. Thankfully, they both love and respect eachother's team. Erik is neither a sore loser or a boastful winner. Sean is not a boastful winner, but he does take losses hard, very, very hard. And, their friendship has weathered wins and losses both ways.

They were at the NCAA national championship when UNC won in 2005. And, Sean was even reported to have been seen sporting a UNC shirt at the game. I actually have a picture to prove it, but I am keeping it to use as blackmail when I really need it. And, as I unpacked my husband's bags, I found a J.J. Reddick Duke jersey amongst the dirty clothes. So, I am assuming he wore it to the Duke/Boston College game. Thankfully, though they both love their own team, they support eachother's team - when they aren't playing against one another, of course. Now that is true friendship, stronger than rivalry.

This trip was chock full of ACC basketball. They attended the North Carolina State/Virginia Tech game, the Virginia/Clemson game, the Duke/Boston College game, but most importantly, they attended the Duke/North Carolina game at Chapel Hill! They had a blast! Last night as I relaxed next to my husband, he took me hour by hour through their entire trip, recounting every meal, every shop, every stop, all the twists and turns, the getting lost and wasting time, the 4+ hours over 3 days spent in the Duke bookstore, the hour detour at 1 a.m. to visit Afton, Virginia, the pictures taken at Cameron indoor, and the shaking of hands with Dickie V. Sweet Memories.

And, I do mean sweet. . .

There was lots of Cheesecake with strawberries and chocolate, Tiramusu, and Ben and Jerry's mentioned as well.

Now, back on the homefront there were three little boys very excited to see their Daddy yesterday afternoon! And, I was right there with them!!!

Here they are running from the swingset to Daddy!

Getting closer. . .

TACKLE!

We all received many presents! It was obvious Daddy was thinking about us while he was on his trip!!

It was an afternoon of basketball for all!

We missed you, sweet Daddy, and we are so glad to have you home!!!

Our Buccaneer Bash

Last weekend we celebrated the birth of our two oldest sons who ironically were born on the same day, two years apart. Inspired by the new veggie-tales movie, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, they wanted to have a pirate birthday. I must admit that I had mixed feeling about the whole pirate theme at first. Aren't pirates "bad guys"? But, after scouring the internet for ideas, I was more excited about the party than my sons! So, here is what we did. . .

First we sent out these fun invitations that I printed on cardstock and then soaked in stale coffee to give them an aged effect.

Here is a picture of me and my sweet pirates on the day of the party!

The first thing we did was give the guests a pirate name. Your first name is the name of your pet and your second name is the name of the street your family lived on when you were born. So, at our party we had Pirate Clifford Sunflower and Pirate Emma Greenleaf, etc. Then, we had optional face painting for the pirates who wanted to look most authentic. A sweet youth from our church came and set up a little area to paint mustaches and whatever else the kids wanted painted on their face or hands, etc.



Erik, who was the ship's captain, used a treasure map that we made to keep the kids moving from station to station with a little free play mixed in for good measure!


First, the kids went into our dining room to design and color their very own pirate flag. And, next the little buccaneers played pin the pirate on the treasure chest.






And, after that it was time for lunch. Lunch was a hodge podge of things. We had everything from chicken legs to cannon balls (grapes) and peg legs (carrots). The adults drank root beer from bottles and the children drank sprite with red ice (frozen fruit punch).




After lunch, we headed outside to finish the treasure hunt of activities. The next item on the agenda was for the children to take turns walking the plank! Erik created this make-believe plank, and the children loved it!



This is a picture of the hungry alligators in the waters below. . .

Next, the little guys and girls went digging for gold. We hid a good number of gold coins in our sandbox, and the kids loved competing to see who could find the most coins!!

JCT checking out the treasure map!

Erik is going over the treasure map with the pirates, and they suddenly realize that the only thing left to do is find the treasure!! After Erik gave a clue, they took off running to find the hidden treasure chest!

And, watch out! When they found the treasure, they squealed and screamed and tore into it attempting to carry off as much loot as their little hands could hold!


Next, it was back inside for some Larry cake!!!



Singing Happy Birthday to the sweet birthday boys!

Bags of Loot for the pirates. . .

This little note was in each bag of loot. . .

And, now for some party shots of sweet friends!

Deana B and sweet Afton. . .

Elijah had several babysitters during the party. A big thanks goes out to them!

JCT loving on sweet baby Grace!

Was the party a success?

I think so!

It just may be the cutest thing I've ever seen. . .

or maybe this is. . .

Nana and Joshua

Nana is my mom, and we spent the weekend with she and my dad (Poppy) recently. While we were visiting, Erik and I attended a Parenting Conference at my parent's church. So, the boys got to spend lots of one on one time with Nana and Poppy. During their time together my mom had a sweet encounter with my oldest. She and Joshua were sitting on the couch together. She said that he kept kissing her and telling her he loved her. So, she looked him in the eyes and asked. . .



"Joshua will you still love me when you are big like your Daddy?"



And, Joshua answered. . .



"Nana, I will love you when I am 5, and when I am 6 I will love you, and even when I am 7 I will love you! And, yes, Nana, even when I am as big as Daddy, I will still love you! I will always love you, Nana."

Boys to Men

My mom sent me this quote, and I thought it was cute enough to keep record of here on the good old blog!

A mother with all sons

will be surrounded

by handsome men

the rest of her life.

Why is it that we little-boy mama's dream of the day that we will sit on the pew of our church with suited, handsome young men on each side of us? Or, sometimes I dream of the day that I will be cooking dinner in the kitchen and one of my sons will walk up to me and put his big strong arms around me and envelope me somewhat like my arms now envelope him. One day I will be the frail, weak one, and they will be the strong, protective ones. Funny to think about. . .

Protection. I remember that word coming to mind a lot as I held JCT when he was an infant. There is one particular picture of the two of us that when I put it in his baby scrapbook, I put the word "protect" in sticker letters down the side of the picture. I remember thinking at the time that I was protecting him like all good mama bears do, but that one day he would be protecting me.

From the moment I become aware that there is a baby growing inside my womb, I am ready to protect it. If a ball is coming right at me, rather than put my hands over my head like I would have before pregnancy, now my arms go straight to my belly to protect a life that is more precious to me than my own. Protect. It is what we as mama's want to do. It simply comes natural. But, something shifts over time. And, slowly we have to let go. We have to let them fall a bit. We have to sit back and let them fight their own battles. Then, one day the tide will shift completely to the place where they will be the strong and capable ones protecting us, taking care of us. Recently, I have seen this firsthand as I have watched my Daddy oversee the care of his mother who is mentally and physically unable to care for herself.

I love the thought that these little boys of mine will one day be grown men. It gives me chills. I'll blink and they will have acne, squeaky voices, and stubble on their chins. Then, I'll blink again and they will be husbands and fathers, full of wisdom and strength, courage and dignity. (That is what I pray for anyway!)

I think that is why I love the line from the "I love you up to the moon" song that says, "One day when you are older and taller than me, I'll say I watched you grow like a beautiful tree." Kim Hill wrote this song for her sons, and I had the privilege of hearing her sing it in concert months before I got pregnant with my oldest son. I wanted so badly to be pregnant at the time, and I vowed that if God gave me a son I would sing that song to him. So, when Joshua was a baby, I memorized it, and I have sung it to all three of my little men over and over. And, it doesn't matter how many millions of times that I sing that song, I still get choked up every other time or so.

At lunch today, JCT turned his chocolate milk cup over, and I thought it to be an accident. Because, seriously, why on earth would anyone do that on purpose. But, a few minutes later I walked across the room and watched as he reached for his brother's chocolate milk cup and turned it over, as well.

Why?

Why do little boys do the things they do? I will never understand them, but thank God, I love them! Little boys are an interesting breed, but they really are quite irreplaceably wonderful. So, for now I will protect my baby boys, laugh at my little boys, and, hopefully, one day sit back and admire my big boys!

Missin' you

Last Tuesday, Joshua came home from school and drew this picture. When he finished he walked over to me and handed it to me saying. . .



"Mommy, this is a picture of me at school missin' you. If you look close, you can see the tears in my eyes."

And, as I looked at the sweet blue lines in his eyes, my heart melted. But, thankfully, at least, he is smiling. . .

I love my sweet little Joshua man.

Your comments, a few reflections, and my new theme song

It is a cold rainy day outside, but inside my home is filled with sunshine and laughter - at the moment, anyway. All is well and I have a cup of hot coffee sitting beside me beckoning me to stop mid-sentence and sip of it's rich flavor! (Coffee tastes good to me today. Go figure?) One big hot gulp later, I am smiling here as I listen to Fernando Ortega sing soft, soothing songs to me.

I was just sitting back reflecting on all the sweet and encouraging comments that you all left on my blog yesterday. I appreciate every single one of them. Especially the ones coming from mothers of 4 or more children close together. And, I received a sweet comment from ck that said basically (my paraphrase), "I was one of 4 children all close together in age. I don't know how it was for my mom, but we, kids, had a great time growing up together." I LOVE to hear that! It makes my heart sing!



This morning Joshua left early for school. (Erik takes him.) JCT and I were enjoying a quiet morning together while Elijah slept in. I actually found myself thinking, "Wow, this is so nice and quiet, just me and JCT." But, it wasn't long before I heard some sweet baby chatter on the monitor, and I sighed a, it was nice while it lasted, kind of sigh. Upon entering the room, Elijah's eyes met mine and his face was aglow with a radiant happiness. The kind of happiness that is contagious to all who witness it, and I was instantly ashamed of my previous thoughts. I picked him up, and he nearly jumped out of my arms in excitement. He could hear his big brother playing in the next room, and he simply longed with all that was in him to see his big brother. He pulled outward until I turned him around so he could face out. Then, with his head and the kicking of his legs, he led me to the family room where JCT was making all sorts of loud dinosaur noises. And, when Elijah's eyes finally found JCT, he kicked and squealed and went crazy with excitement. I attempted to nurse Elijah, but between JCT grabbing his head and singing "Jesus luvs Elijah, this I know fo da Bible tells me so. . ." and Elijah's lack of interest in eating, I gave up and put them together in the superyard on the family room floor - where they laughed and played together for quite some time. It it times like these when ck's comment comes back to me, "I don't know how it was for my mom. But, we, kids, had a great time growing up together." I pray that their growing up years will be filled with laughter, fun, and wonderful memories. Memories of 2 on 2 basketball games in the driveway, football games in the front yard, volleyball games in the pool, kickball, make-believe track races, sleeping in tents in the backyard with Daddy (notice I opted out on that one), movie nights for the whole family, cook-outs, and cookie baking with Mama. And, if that is the case, if they do have a memory full of richness and love, then, it will be worth any stress or strain that 4 children 5 and under will be on me. I'm embracing it!



Yesterday, as I drove home from Super-Wal-mart, all three children snug in their carseats. Well, to be honest one was screaming, and my nerves were shot. It was a wild trip to the place my non-cursing, godly, deacon of a husband, refers to as "hell." And, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about that several times as I made my way around that over-crowded, unfriendly customer-filled, germ-ridden place. If you are ever feeling like you have it all together and you are a wonderful mom, take your kids to Wal-Mart in the middle of the afternoon. It is sure to humble you. . . quickly.

I digress. . . As I drove home, the boys asked to watch the new Veggie tales - Pirates Who Don't Do Anything Sing-a-long DVD. And, midway through the DVD I heard a song that really appealed to me where I am right now. It is by Mandisa, and it is called, "I can do the right thing." The reason it appeals to me is because I really struggle with believing that I can do it. "It" being - me truly being the mother God called me to be. Somedays it just seems like too much. When my nerves are shot by 10:00 a.m., I know the day is going to be long, and I simply cannot do it on my own strength. So, often I hear these words in my head, "I can't do this. I just cannot do this." I want to be someone my boys look up to, but somedays it is really easy to get frustrated and lose my temper. One day I will write a post about how much my boys have changed me. I am truly a different person because of the refining God has done on my soul through these precious little fellows. Just one more reason for me to love them to pieces! Back to the song by Mandisa, I am going to post the words because they really spoke to me. Not that I see myself as a hero, but that is what the pirate movie is about - stepping up and being the hero God called you to be.

"I can do the right thing"

I've got all my excuses.

I've got my list of fears.

I've counted all the reasons why You called the wrong hero to be here.

Doing the right thing is just too hard.

But, I've believed those lies for long enough.

I'm not going to listen anymore because I remember You said

when all hope is gone, help will come. . .

And, give me strength to go farther, to climb higher,

courage that burns inside like a fire.

No turning back, this is the day I do the right thing.

I will do what I need to and when I need You

I know Your love will come to the rescue.

I can do the right thing.

So what if I'm not the strongest.

A little weaker than I'd like to be.

Well, even I can do what's right because I know

the King is calling me to live a life worth looking up to.

Holding on to what matters most.

Nobody said it was going to be easy.

But, I know I'll never be alone,

Cause when all hope is gone help will come, come from above. . .

And, give me the strength to go farther, to climb higher,

courage that burns inside like a fire.

No turning back, this is the day.

I will do what I need to and when I need You

I know Your love will come to the rescue.

Love that! And, I am claiming this as my current theme song because we all need theme songs every now and then. So, whatever you are facing, may God give you the courage and the strength you need to be the "hero" in the story that is your life.

Oh, and one last note, this is for "manda." I tried to connect with you after I read your comment, but blogger would not let me access your profile. Your comment really touched me, and I wanted to be able to touch base with you. If you ever come back to my site, let me know how I can connect with you. Know that I have been praying for you. I have such a heart for new moms and such a love for all things pregnancy related!! You are truly in for a treat, sweet girl, a big wonderful blessing of a treat straight from the hands of a loving God.

The Giver of All Good Surprises

Last week God gave Erik and I a little surprise. It was on a stick, a little purple and white stick, the kind with two windows. Do you know where I am going with this? The kind of stick where one line means negative and two lines means your life is about to change forever, never to be the same again, ever, never, ever again.


But, that is a good thing. It is always a good thing if you ask me. And, we are rejoicing over this little one - this little tiny 5 mm long one.


But, whoever said that breastfeeding is good birth control really didn't know what he was talking about - I am going to assume it was a he that said that, anyway. Elijah is still not taking solids, and I am feeding him like a newborn. It just doesn't make sense that I could get pregnant- except that this was absolutely, undoubtedly God's will for our family.


I had a funny suspicion starting about a week before I took the test that I might be pregnant, but I was in denial. I kept telling myself that there was NO WAY I could be pregnant!!! After all...


#1 I am breastfeeding Elijah ALL THE TIME. He still isn't doing well with solids, so I am having to nurse him every 2-3 hours all day long and two times at night.


#2 Erik and I have always TRIED to get pregnant. And, sometimes that trying has taken many months.


But, I was feeling a little queasy, and I felt a bit of round ligament pain upon standing up the other day, and coffee just wasn't tasting good to me! I tryed to ignore these symptoms, but they just weren't going away! This all began on Monday. By Thursday I was nearly convinced that I was pregnant, and I had a HARD day with the boys. And, I almost started crying because I just had a feeling another one was coming, and how would I manage when I'm not even doing well with 3 children? Add a baby, and I just might feel the need to run away from home!


And, if you are wondering why I didn't just run out and take a test in the middle of the week, just think about it. Imagine with me if you will. . .


Erin running into Wal-Mart, make-up worn off, baggy, tired eyes, and two very excited little ones running along side me, and a baby on my hip. Then, we would have to make our way to the aisle. Elijah would be fussing in the front of the buggy, JCT doing cartwheels in the back of the buggy and Joshua skipping alongside the buggy. I would then have to grab the test while women all around me whispered and stared. "Does she not know what causes that?" And, then I would have to brave the check-out line. The cashier would undoubtedly try to figure out how old Elijah was, obviously not old enough to walk, etc. And, as she handed me my receipt and my item-in-bag, she would look on me with great pity.



No, ma'am, not going to do it. I decided to wait until Erik got off work on Friday, and then I ran off by myself and bought the test. And, by this time, I wanted it to be positive.

I really wanted it to be positive.

Isn't that just like a woman?


So, I ran in my little small town Wal-Mart hoping that no one I knew would see me, bought the test, and drove home.


I opted for the long way home, the long way through town. And, as I drove toward the house, I drove into the most amazing sunset. The sky was all shades of red and orange, and I was overwhelmed. Playing on my CD player was a song that I have come to love so much - "What can I do?" by Paul Baloche. I turned up the volume and sang my heart out to the Lord. I told Him that positive or negative I was so incredibly blessed by Him, and I thanked Him. It was one of those times with the Lord that is so intimate that it is hard to come back to reality. It was hard to get out of the van and walk into my home. I felt so distant, so out of this world. But, with three wild and crazy boys and Elijah, too, it didn't take me long to get my feet planted firmly back on the sod of earth.


As Erik bathed the boys, I went downstairs to our bathroom to take the test, and of course, it was instantly positive!! I praised and thanked God for this little surprise. Trying to hide my silly little grin, I stuck that cute little stick in my purse and headed upstairs to help Erik. We had a babysitter coming in a few minutes, and then he and I were off to meet his brother and Jen in a town about an hour and a half away. We had so much time to talk on the way!!



I waited until we were on the road for a little bit to tell him. There were butterflies in my tummy. I didn't know if he would be excited or overwhelmed or what. So, I told him that I had something to say that would make for some interesting conversation on our drive. With his elbow resting on the door of the car and his hand propping up his head, he asked, "What is it?"

I said, "Well, I think we are going to have another baby."

He was stunned.

Completely. Wholeheartedly. Stunned.

Thankfully, he smiled, and said, "What did you just say?" I caught him completely, 100% off guard. He never dreamed this was coming. In fact, he said that in the last week he had told at least 6 people that we were going to wait at 2 years and then, maybe, we would have a fourth child - because that was our plan.

But, God had a different one.

And, that is what we talked about the whole drive there and the whole drive back. God chose to give us a child when we least expected it, and that is fun and exciting and special and neat! And, I feel certain that He will give us everything that we need to take care of 4 children - 5 years old and under!!!

And, so here are the details. The sweet little one is due August 28th. Elijah and the new little babe will be 16 months apart! And, I am 8 weeks pregnant right now.

So, there you have it - our little gift from the Giver of all good gifts and of all good surprises!

A Moment

I've been complaining a lot lately. Because life with 3 little ones can be quite difficult at times. In fact, I have been overwhelmed with life in general. I completely forgot about the boys' haircuts this morning. So, not only do I feel awful for wasting an hour of my hairdresser's time (I dropped by and payed her to relieve my guilty conscience), but also my boys now have to wear shaggy hair for the next 2 weeks until she can work them into her schedule. Ugghh. It would be fine if this was an isolated event, but I have felt quite often lately that my life is running away from me, leaving me confused and scratching my head somewhere in the distance.

Then, today I had one of those moments. You know, one of those moments that makes it all worth it. Amidst the frustration of missing the hair appt., the busyness of getting lunches made, eaten, and dishes cleaned, 4 loads of laundry cleaned, dried and folded, several imminent phone calls made, sticky situations discussed, errands run, a dog taken out twice to do "his job," a book or two read, an email or two responded to, a baby nursed twice, solid foods attempted twice, discipline handed out - along with love, and two boys prepped for naps, amidst the blur that is my life at this particular stage, I had a moment. I was holding JCT, singing, rocking, and getting him ready to lay down for his nap when it hit me.

I like to think of the whole rocking thing as a subtle form of hypnosis. There is a certain way to hold him and sing to him. And, if you do it just right, he will slowly begin to blink his eyes, long sleepy blinks. Then, sweetly, softly, he will drift away to sleepyland in my arms. And, I will begin to lower him down to his trundle bed on the floor, but just before I put him down, he will open his eyes, look up at me, and say in a quiet sleepy voice, "Sing me one more song, Mommy, one more song, please. Love you up to the moon song." And, I always oblige him this simple request because I love him, and I love the "love you up the moon" song. As soon as I begin singing, his eyes will once again close - this time not to be opened again until he has had an hour or two of rest filled sleep. It is a process that we do twice daily, once before nap and once before bedtime. It is a precious process and one that I take for granted far too often. But, today I didn't. Today I had a moment.

It was as I was singing to him that the thought occurred to me. I looked down at his pillow, with his silky placed just so over his pillowcase - just the way I always do it. And, the sweetness of these days hit me smack in the face.

And, I wondered, one day will I be willing to give almost anything to go back and live one day of my life right now again? To be young and healthy, to have the great privilege of holding a little hand as I cross a parking lot, to feed tiny pieces of bread to a growing baby, to kiss a boo boo, or to rock a little boy to sleep in my arms. To be completely, wholeheartedly irreplaceable to three little boys who call me mom. Three little boys who love me, trust me, and miss me when we are apart. These are the things that define this stage of my life, simple, wonderful things. They are the little everyday things that I take for granted so often.

These are long days. I spend a lot of time watching the clock, counting down until the reinforcements come in to take over, or Erik gets home, anyway. But, these are also very sweet days. I just need to remember that. . .

Lord, make me ever mindful of the blessing that is my life today. I spend much too much time thinking about and planning for tomorrow. I spend much too much time worrying about trivial things. Teach me to live in the moment, living each moment to fullest, being all there, all in the moment, not in my thoughts, worries, or plans. I want to parent like You, Father. I love You. Amen

Life is a just a bowl of cherries. . .

or is it a bottle of cherries. . .

Joshua loves Marchino cherries, loves them. He asked me if he could drink the remaining syrup out of the bottle after he had eaten the last of the cherries. I don't like cherries of any variety, so I said yes assuming that he would take one sip and decide it was yucky. Oh, boy, was I wrong.

He loved it! Drank the whole bottle in two sips!!

Home-maker

I'll never forget watching my mom fill out paperwork in a doctor's office when I was young. I watched as she carefully penned each answer. When she came to the question about her occupation, she did not hesitate. In the cursive that I have come to love, she wrote. . .


Homemaker.


And, what an amazing homemaker she was. And, it had nothing to do with how well she kept house. She was a home-maker. To put it simply, she made our home. She was home. The two were so intertwined I couldn't tell you where one ended and the other began. Home was mommy. Mommy was home. And, I loved Mommy, and I loved home. I loved being at home more than I liked being anywhere else. I liked being with Mommy more than I liked being with anyone else. And, I don't just mean when I was 4. I mean when I was 14, 18, and 22!



Mommy was comfort, encouragement, a warm welcome after a long day, a fresh, hot batch of cookies, a warm bath after a long gymnastics practice, bedtime prayers, long talks at night, lots of laughter, cold ice cream for my aching throat, and bright, happy praise music. She was the one that I could call on when I was afraid at night (because I was afraid a lot as a child), and she would come and lay down with me. Always involved in the minute details of our lives, bringing cupcakes to my classes, the faithful chaperone, the volunteer of volunteers, and she was our nurse (our very own personal RN.) She helped with research, with projects, and with papers. If I had something due the next day, and I had procrastinated, I didn't have to stay up alone. She kept the lamp burning and sat beside me, helping me. Is there any question why growing up I considered her my best friend? When I was in high school, my favorite ritual was cheese dip and quesadillas at Chili's with my mom. We would go alone, after shopping for hours, and talk and laugh. My goodness, I love you, Mom.


She didn't think about herself, getting "her time," or if she did, I never knew about it. We were her life. Some would say that was wrong. That she did too much for us. That she should have taken more time away from us, more time for herself. That she needed to be her own person, not just our mother and Daddy's wife. But, I feel certain that she would disagree. I don't think she feels that she gave up anything. She is now in her 60s, and if you asked her, she would tell you that hers has been a blessed life. She literally gave her life for Daddy and us, and we were so much better for it.


Our home, made by mom, was a place we all loved to be. It wasn't immaculate. It wasn't decorated perfectly, but it was cozy. And, it was warm. And, it was inviting. And, I couldn't wait to get there. After a long day at school or after a long semester at college. . . I just couldn't wait to be home. It always felt so good to walk in the door. Home. I want that for my boys. I really want that for my boys.

So, lately I have been thinking. How do I do that? What is the key?

This is what I am thinking. . . .

Simply it is to be like Christ. My mom's goal each day was to be like Christ, to act like Him and walk like Him, and talk like Him.

Jesus loves children. As a child, He loved me through my mom, and He wants to love my boys through me. When they are sick, He wants to use my hands to comfort them. When they are hurting, He wants to use my voice to soothe them. When their hearts are broken, He wants to use me to help mend them. He wants to love them through me. He wants to use me to teach them about Himself, about His faithfulness, His character, and His love.

Home is the place where children should feel Christ's love most purely. The place where they are loved as close to unconditionally as is possible on this side of heaven. A place where they are loved, cared for, treasured, adored, smiled at, encouraged, lifted up, disciplined, and shown grace. In many ways this is very easy for me, but in many ways this can be very hard for me, too.

But, I can honestly say that I love home. I love my husband and children so much. Home is my boys (big and small), and my boys are home. The two are so intertwined that I can't tell where one ends and the other begins. I'd rather be home than anywhere, and I'd rather be with my boys than with anyone. And, that is a start.

Happy Belated 8 Months!

I like to refer to the picture above as "sick eyes." This Christmas was not only your first Christmas holiday but also your first time to be really sick. Bless your sweet heart you felt so bad, and sadly enough, you still do. But, Daddy started you on antibiotics last night, and we are hoping you will feel better soon. But, amidst the illness and your feeling so puny, you have remained such a joy, still smiling your sweet little smile.

You are precious. You always pat my back when I hold you, sweet little love pats. I guess it is because I pat your back to burp you, and you think you should do it to me, too? Boy, do I love those pats! And, you are clapping now, and even waving some. You say "Ma Ma" and "Da Da," and "Ba Ba" (whatever that means??). And, when you get fussy, one of the things that you love for me to do is softly tickle your ears, cheek, and neck. It almost always calms you down.

When we drove to visit family over Christmas, you fell asleep in your car seat with your little red tabogon on, and it fell down over your eyes. You slept for 3+ hours with your tabogon over your eyes. You looked so cute!!!

You still are not taking solids. We keep trying, but you just aren't sure what to do with the food when we put it in your mouth. Usually, you end up spitting it out. I feel certain you will catch on soon! We'll keep trying. . .

What a joy you are, little man. You are unique and precious. And, you have two big brothers who adore you! We are rapidly approaching your first birthday! How exciting, my love! Keep growing, and, as my mama used to whisper over me when I lay in bed sick, Jesus make you well, my baby, Jesus make you well.

I love you!

Rub a dub dub. . .

Three sweet boys in a tub!!

Can you imagine the joy that filled my heart when I walked in the bathroom and saw this for the first time?



Usually Erik bathes Elijah first and then the big boys, but a few weeks ago he began putting them all in the tub together!! I can't tell you how it makes me feel to see all three of them splashing and playing together!!