Friday, February 18, 2011

The Box, the Love. . .

The will has surged today as it so often does.  He was born a leader, born strong, born with an inner drive and confidence that did not come from his mama.  He knows how he wants things, and he still, after years of working with him, struggles when things cannot be exactly the way that he wants them to be.  It is a good characteristic when it comes to his ability to tackle new things with the strength and confidence of an expert.  Ask him anything, he'll have an answer.  And, 9 times out of 10, it will be the correct answer.  He amazes me daily.  But, he, also, challenges me daily.

And, today was one of those days.  Off and on all day, he pushed, a little here, a little there.  And, so finally I had had it.  We were standing in the garage arguing over a box.  A box.  It is a cute box, I'll give him that.  It came from Land of Nod, and it has an airplane on the side of it.  And, he wants to keep it.  I see no reason to keep it.  We've had it for months now.  It just sits there looking cute.  It's time to recycle the box, but he is suddenly attached to it for whatever reason.  And so, he is arguing with me while his brothers stand around and watch.  Silly argument, I know, but we've been pushing each other's buttons all day, and finally we were face to face in direct disagreement.  So, I said, and I realized even at the time that this was a silly thing to say, but still I said it, "JCT, you act as if you love this box more than me!" (I know, I know, but I'm pregnant.  Cut me some slack.)  And, so he smiles a silly little grin, cocks his cute little strawberry blond head to the side, and says. . .

"I love you both the same."


Correct me if I'm wrong, JCT, but did I not give birth to you?  Endured hard labor, natural labor, to free you to life! And, need I remind you that you were sunny side up making your delivery just that much more uncomfortable.  And, that is just the beginning. . .

So, I say, "What?  You love us the same!  James, I'm your mom!" as his brothers stare with eyes like saucers, jaws dropped.

And, then, Joshua, my oldest, my voice of reason, my sweet defender, says, "James!  NOBODY loves a box as much as they love their mom!!  That's crazy!!"

So, JCT smiles, because he likes the way he has worked this situation, and he looks at me with eyes shining, and says, "Well," and he pauses as if he is thinking it through, "Well. . .  I love you a little bit more. . ."

Uggghhhh.  I quit.

I know my son.  I know he loves me.  This is the same son who if he had it his way would do all his schoolwork in my lap.  This is the sweet son who loves on me to the point I have to tell him to please. quit. hugging. me. so that I can finish making dinner.  He has asked on more than one occasion if he can live with me forever.  This is the son who every night when I kiss his forehead and cheek, he rubs my kisses in and spreads them all over his face.  I know he loves me, but some days. . .


He can wear this mama slap out!

Tonight Erik had a ball game, so I was flying solo during dinner, bath, and bedtime.  And, when I came downstairs after the last book, song, prayer, and kiss, I smiled to myself and thought about how much I love being mommy to my four little men.  But, specifically, I was thinking of JCT.  Even after a will surging day, I am so thankful.  He adds so much to our family.  He is so unique and so fun to mother.  I love him with all my heart.  He's a great kid.  So, I paused in the kitchen and rested my tired body for a moment leaning into the counter.  I was completely worn out from all the outside playtime, from the bending and lifting, from the holding and carrying, from the mental and emotional challenges. . .

So, for a moment before looking at my to-do list for the next morning, I paused and took a deep breath in and out.  And, then I looked down at the counter, at my to-do list, and this is what I saw. . .

I took in the moment and smiled.

For every stress, for every strain of motherhood there are one thousand blessings.


Anonymous said...

couldn't have said it better!

Amy said...

Great post. I've been reading your blog since 2007. You are an inspiration!

Amy said...

I've just restarted my blog, that I barely started in 2008. I'm trying to come up with a better name, but hopefully you'll come visit sometime.

My photo
Hi! I live in a sweet country home overflowing with love, laughter, and little ones. I have been blessed to journey these days beside a man that I love, respect, and admire. He is my soul-mate and best friend. Together we are seeking to raise our seven children to be lovers of God, to be wise and discerning, and to be all that our sweet God created them to be. I am in the goldfish and cheerio stage of life, but I am keenly aware that these days are slipping right through my hands. This blog is my attempt to keep our memories safe for years to come.


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