Good Things. . .

Today was, well, let's just say, not my finest day. I did not earn a nomination for mother of the year today. My children and I ate out for both lunch and dinner. I kinda lost my temper a little bit here and there. My darling JCT clawed my sweet Joshua's face, and then later hit my Joshua over the head 3 times in a row quite quickly. He then looked up and saw that I was watching and walked over to the corner by himself. What, I ask, am I to do with him? Midday, I looked up at heaven and asked God what He was thinking entrusting me with children. It was that kind of day.

So, I decided that I am going to write about good things that happened today. Because my first inclination is to focus on all the very trying things that took place, but in reality I know there are some good things that happened too. . . Now let me think. . .

Good Things by me. . .

The best thing that I can remember that happened today was when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw two sleeping angels in carseats behind me. No matter how they act when they are awake - they look like angels when they are asleep.

JCT grabbed my face with two hands and gave me a big wet kiss on the lips this evening.

When I put the boys to bed, Joshua and JCT both wanted to sit on my lap. They were trying to push eachother off - both wanting to be the only one on my lap. I said, "Just wait, in a few months Elijah will be here, and I will have to hold him, too." Joshua said smilinig, "Well, he'll just have to sit on your head!" The mental picture made me laugh out loud.

My husband, who over the past 3 days has proven himself once again to be the selfless member of our relationship, told me he loved me at least like 15 -20 times today. On days like today, it is so nice to know that I am loved deeply.

We took the boys to a basketball game tonight. An older lady from our church who recently lost her husband and has really been struggling was at the game. I was so glad to see that she was getting out and around again. JCT, who doesn't know her at all, walked right up to her seat and reached up for her with the biggest, sweetest grin on his face. And, then he climbed up in her lap and charmed her silly. . . And, that made my heart smile - Jesus loving on her through my son.

When Joshua saw the mascot of our local team at the game tonight, he leaned over and assured me, "Mommy, now don't just be scared of that tiger. He's a nice tiger. He has a smile, and he will give you five if you want him to. . ." Then, his little voice turned to a whisper, "And, Mommy, it's a man in there. It's just a man inside wearing that tiger. Don't just worry, Mommy. He's a nice tiger, I promise. He won't just eat you. I promise."

Oh, and another good thing. . . watching my two little guys sitting with their legs tucked behind them on the gym floor sharing a bag of popcorn. It was the only time they sat still the entire game! And, they looked super sweet sitting there together all red-headed and precious. . .

And, the perfect ending to the day. . . Chocolate cobbler, milk, and the best dog ever at my feet.

My JCT

(Okay so I have no idea why this picture is sideways! I have never had this happen, and I am helpless to change it. My computer won't let me??)

This is my JCT. I hope that I never forget. . . one hand in his mouth and one hand in his pants. Not that I approve of the hand in the pants thing - I don't. I feel certain that in the course of single day I say at least one million and two times, "JCT get your hands out of your mouth and your pants!" But, like some sort of innate drawing. . . the hands migrate back to their favorite places. . . This is my JCT, and I love him!

He is my messy boy! Joshua likes to be clean. He actually uses a napkin. But, not my little JCT. Messes don't really seem to affect him like they do Joshua and I. He rather likes them.

Example: We painted yesterday morning. . .

Notice his brother watching with a smile. . .

My little finger painting Picasso!

Just for the record: Joshua's hands, face, hair, shirt, and chair were all clean.

For Elijah. . .

I am thinking of you today, my little man, my very little man. I am praying for you. Praying that God will grow you strong and healthy within me. Praying that you will know your Creator even in the womb. That you will come to know Him personally at a very young age and follow hard after Him all your days. Praying that God will bless you with a wise and discerning heart, and that you will grow in wisdom and favor with God and man. That you will hate evil and cling to that which is good. I am praying that like your namesake, Elijah, you will take bold risks for God.

I love you so much already, sweet one. Just you wait, we are going to love you to pieces when you come to be with us in this fragile little world that we call home. Fresh from God you will come to us. His handprints all over your sweet naked body. Oh, I can't wait to see you. . . Jesus be with you and keep you safe until I can wrap my arms around you and kiss the sweetness of your newborn skin. Oh, little blessing, how I love you. . .

Did you hear your older brother singing to you this morning? His little lips pressed to my belly singing as loud as he could just for you to hear. We put your crib together this weekend. And, your brothers and I made up your bed this morning. We are eargerly awaiting your arrival. Joshua asks about you all the time. He wants to know when you are coming. I tell him that when the leaves and the grass turn green again and the flowers start blooming - then it will be time. But, for now we have to wait.

Yesterday was Sanctity of Life Sunday at church. It was as if you had so much to say about this issue. You never stopped moving from the beginning of Sunday School all the way through the worship service. Tossing and turning. Erik and I sat with a couple of my favorite young girls during church, and they could see you kicking through my shirt. You were making them giggle. I just held my belly and enjoyed feeling so close to you. With each kick I envision your sweet legs and arms, fingers and toes. Perfect in every way. Unique.

My beautiful baby boy, a loving God has loaned you to us. He has trusted us to care for you day in and day out. And, we will do our very best to be faithful to this calling. Know that we will make a multitude of mistakes, but one thing is certain, you are and always will be loved, so much, so very much.

So, until that sweet day when we will finally meet face to face, know that I am dreaming of you, praying for you, and loving you. Grow, sweet one, grow. And, we will be waiting for you. Godspeed, precious little one. Godspeed.

My Very Own Little Safety Patrol Man

Growing up we referred to my Dad as "Safety Patrol Man." And, I am not just talking about within the family - even my closest friends knew him by this name. He was/is serious about safety. Don't ask me how or why, but once the company he worked for gave him a jacket with a patch on the sleeve that said "Safety Patrol." It was an award of sorts received by the executive who turned off the most lights after leaving the room, locked the most doors behind him, or something of that nature. Seriously, my father traded futures for the commodity market, so I am not sure how the whole safety award thing actually came about. But, his company had an award for safety, and, rightly, he received it.

He pushed safety big time in our home. I have so many memories of being scared half to pieces as he monthly checked our fire alarms. He checked the doors five or so times to make sure that they were locked before going to bed each night. The thermostat was strictly off limits. In the summer we were a bit on the warm side, and in the winter, we were a bit on the cold side - to save energy, of course. But, to touch the thermostat meant you might just lose a hand - or so we believed. And, as soon as the temperature dropped below 70, a coat was in order and a hat, too, of course. Everyone knows that "you lose a large perentage of heat from your head." And, when you are seventeen, you don't care one bit if you have hat hair when you get to school. You stayed warm and that is all that really matters to seventeen year old girls. Right? (Love you, Daddy!) And, the big joke was that the "Smith girls" could only drive in perfect weather. If it was too hot, the heat wasn't good for the car. If it was too cold, then, you better not drive because it just might start to sleet. And, you don't even want to think about driving in the rain because that is an accident waiting to happen, and you wouldn't want to have a head-on with a tornado.

Do you know how much I love this man? I think you can see how much he loved me! He did everything in his power to keep me safe.

After I married Erik, I became the safety patrol. Pulling out of the driveway - only to pull right back in - gotta double check to make sure that my curling iron is unplugged, or that the oven is off, or that all the lights are off, or all of the above. But, now I have my Joshua. And, he has usurped me of my safety patrol power. He has put me back in my place as the recipient of safety instruction. In his 3 year old mind, it is his job to take care of me and our home and our car, etc. Here are a few examples. You may think that I am exagerating or making this up, but I assure you that I am not. He is his Poppy's grandson. He gets it honest. Here goes. . .

* I tend to grip the steering wheel with one hand. I rest my right arm on my leg and steer from the bottom of the wheel. This bothers my sweet son who says to me, "Mommy, you need to put your hands on the steering wheel. The car will go off the road if you don't steer it. We don't want to have an axxident." I smile to myself, and reluctantly put both hands on the wheel, up high, so that he can see them and feel safe.

* When we park the car and begin walking into a store, he often says, "Mommy, you didn't lock the car." To which I assure him, "Yes, I did." Then, he responds, "Are you sure? I didn't hear it honk. Make it honk, Mommy, so that I know it is locked." Yes, he is 3, almost 4, but still much too young to worry about such.

* The other day I was on the cell phone when we came into the house from shopping. I had JCT, several bags, and a cell phone in my hand. I didn't shut the back door all the way when we came inside. So, for the next 15 minutes, as I tried to finish up my phone call, Joshua kept saying over and over, "You didn't shut the door, Mommy. Mommy, you didn't shut the door." Even after I carefully closed the back door, he kept on, "Mommy, you left the door open. Mommy, the door. You need to close it." I finally got off the phone, a bit exasperated, and inquired, "Joshua, the door is closed. I closed it. Why do you keep saying that?" He, very matter of factly, replied, "Not the house door, Mommy. You left the van door open, the door on my side. We need to shut it." I went outside, and he was right. There was the side door of the van - wide open, smiling at me.

* I tend to forget my sunglasses which are as vital an accessory to me as my wedding ring. After forgetting them several times and complaining about not having them, Joshua has decided he needs to step in and help me. So, when we get in the car, my little safety patrol man sweetly asks, "Mommy, did you remember your sunglasses? Just making sure. . ."

* I don't know why, but this one is my favorite. . . The other day as we were pulling out of the driveway, out of the blue and much to his mother's surprise, Joshua gasps and yells, "MOMMY! STOP THE CAR!!" I slammed on the brakes wondering if he saw an animal or a person that I was about to hit. I turned my head to face him, "What is it?" His response. . .

"I think you forgot to turn my sound machine off!!!!"

What, I ask, would I ever do without him?

* When I drive at night, I get to hear this common reminder from my sweet little man. . . "Mommy, do you have your front lights on? Because it is night, and at night you need your front lights on so that you can see."

* If I don't take the same roads as usual to certain places such as church, the library, Daddy's office, etc., I hear from my little backseat driver, "Mommy, this is not the way to Daddy's office. You need to just turn this car around and go back the other way."

* And, to the workers who tirelessly work on our home each day, Joshua says in a voice full of appreciation, "That is LOUD. You are being VERY LOUD. You are going to wake up James Crisper. You need to BE QUIET, please."

* Just today I overheard Joshua giving JCT this little lecture. . . "JCT, if you are not using the toy, you need to turn it off. That wastes badderies. You wouldn't want to waste the badderies, would you?"

Okay, already, I will quit. . . I could go on and on. . . Honestly, when Joshua makes one of these cautious little comments of his, I smile and remember the first man that I ever loved, my original safety patrol man, my Daddy. Thank You, God for sending these sweet men to take good care of me.

Reunited. . . and it feels so good!

We got our beloved pet back this weekend after a 3 month separation. I knew that Angie (a friend of ours who keeps him for us) would be bringing him to us sometime Saturday afternoon/evening. And, all I could think was, "Ugh, here we go - more added to my plate." I must admit I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at our present state of chaos. I am a little OCD about order in my home, and this move is making me crazy!! But, what I did not realize was how much joy having Rain back home would bring my boys! Joshua couldn't keep his hands off Rain all evening. He kept saying, "I love you, Rain. I love you! Thanks for coming home, Rain."

I must say that it is nice to hear those long ears flap when he shakes his head. And, it is nice to see that soft grey body laying around the house once again. But, the best part of it all is that now Erik and I get to take our little evening strolls back and forth in front of the house with Rain after the boys go to bed.

The Little Things. . .

It is the little things that tug at my heart. My little boy's feet, their sweet little toes. It is hearing them cry for "Mama" when they get hurt. The softness of their silky red hair. The way JCT runs up to me and hugs my leg. Joshua asking me every night to sing his two special songs to him. JCT's baby voice singing "Good Morning to You!!!" each morning. The sound of their laughter. Watching them roll around on the ground wrestling and playing. Listening to their little backseat conversations. Bathtime play and bedtime routines. Watching JCT drift slowly off to sleep as I sing to him each night. The softness of Joshua's cheeks on my lips as I kiss him goodnight. The feel of Elijah kicking inside me. It is the little things that catch me off guard each day and move me to praise my God. Thank You, God, for the little things.

The Comfort of an Old Friend

I have wonderful news! 2007 has brought a wonderful blend of old and new to our lives. Our home is newly renovated - a sweet combination of new and shiny as well as old and comfortable. But, there is another change that has taken place with the turn of the new year. My husband, who for the last five years has practiced in a clinic as the lone physician, will have a new partner, an old friend, his best friend. They call eachother "brother", and that is what they are. Though not by blood, their brotherhood lies in a friendship unique.

Friendships like this are rare especially among men. And, I thank God for the blessing of this and several other deep friendships that He has blessed my husband with. Sean is special. For the past 6 years many miles have separated them from eachother, but that has not affected their friendship in the least. Erik, for the past five years, has come home from work nearly everyday talking to Sean on his cell phone. I kid him that they are co-dependent. But, inside I love that about their friendship. Sean brings out a side in my husband that no one else can. He is good for Erik's health. He makes him laugh, heartily. And, that makes my heart swell.

Sean is living with us right now, and he will probably live with us for another month or so. In a few weeks, hopefully, his wife and one year old daughter will join him living with us. And, they will remain in our home until their home is completed. Many people look at me with pity when they here that Sean is living with us - not because of Sean - but because we are in such a state of chaos at present. But, I quickly correct them. Sean is a blessing. He is sunshine in our home. He makes my children and my dog happy, crazy happy, sometimes too happy! And, he gives me a hard time constantly, about everything. And, I love this. He is truly like a brother to me, as he is to my husband. He is comfortable here, and we are comfortable with him here. This is not the first or even the second time that our families have shared a residence for an extended period of time. We are family.

Deana, his wife, is one of the most strong and loyal friends that I have ever had. If she loves you, she loves you. She will fight for you. The kind of friend you would run to in a bind, the kind of friend who will not fold. I love her, and I look forward to her presence in my daily life.

I could write a book about the memories the 4 of us made while Erik and Sean were in residency together, but I just don't have enough time. My fingers would certainly tire if I even tried. . . There have been so many laughs, trials, vacations, etc. We truly lived in community with them. We shared everything. We ate nearly every meal together. We were family. I remember the deep loss we felt moving away from them when Erik left for fellowship. Erik and I truly mourned. And, we have not replaced them. Recently Erik and I went away to a nearby city for a weekend getaway just the two of us. We ate dinner in one of those revolving restaraunts. We sat across from eachother quietly, staring at one another, remarking at how nice it was, etc. It was a candlelight dinner with soft music and a great view. But, we both agreed that there was one thing that could make the evening even better - if we could share it with Sean and Deana. They are like a part of us.

I prayed at the beginning of 2005 that God would bring a frienship like that to Erik and I here in this small town that we live in. I had no idea that God had in His plans to bring Sean and Deana to answer my prayer. What an amazing God! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought. . . But, I am so grateful! And, now every time I drive into my husbands office's parking lot, I stare at the sign out front. I can't help but stare. I never thought I'd see their names together on a sign like that. It stirs something inside me. And, I say a prayer of thanks.

Father, bless their practice. May they glorify You through the work of their hands. May they touch their patients with Your hands and see their patients through your eyes. Guide and direct them. Give them divine wisdom and insight, beyond their own capacity, so that they know it is from You alone. Touch lives through them. May their patients feel Your presence and Your peace in this clinic. May they be drawn to You and come to know You through these two men. Use them, Lord. Change lives through them. Use them to bring healing to their patients - not just physical healing, but most importantly spiritual healing. Bless the relationships that they build with their patients. May their patients feel Your love, acceptance, peace, and joy through them. May this clinic be set apart for You, to bring You glory.

Chaos.

That is all I have to say. This is where I am living at present. Well, this picture is of my garage, and I am not actually living in the garage, but still. . . Chaos reigns here. The garage is one of the two places we stored things for the three months that we were out of our home. The only problem is that now we have to actually go through everything in the garage. Things that we have lived without for three months, things that we have proven we really don't need.

I have always been an over-achiever. Erik and I have moved two other times in our marriage, and both times I had the house in order and decorated in record time. Tunnel vision. I would work feverishly until I had the house the way I wanted it.

Enter two children.

Now, I am unable to work feverishly. Tunnel vision is an impossibility, if you know what I mean. . . I have two little guys that need a mommy, and so I have resigned to the fact that this will take time.

Contentment in chaos is my prayer. Can those words exist in the same sentence? I am just praying that we will be in some sort of a stable state in April as we prepare for Elijah to join our family. Several friends and family members have asked me to post some before and after pics. I hesitate to do this because of two things. #1 My before pics are on a CD, and bless my heart, I can't figure out how to get my pics from the CD to my documents. #2 There is not a single room in our home that is in order or decorated or even completed as of today. So, maybe in a month or so, I will post some pics. Give me some time to settle in and make it home again. I will put a pic of our foyer in this post because this room is closest to done. Originally, we had a single door with windows on both sides. We took up the flooring that was there, and we stained and scored the concrete underneath. We went from wood to wrought iron on the stairway and added sconces and library paneling. So, here it is.

Is the concrete what you thought, mom?

A Refreshing Break. . .

We began renovating our home on September 25th - a mere three months ago. But, I assure you it feels more like a year or more. We can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are moving home this weekend. The work is far from finished, but our home is now liveabe - so we are going there. And, I cannot wait.

The last three months have been crazy. I often wonder how I will remember these months. I think they will always be a bit of a blur to me. I am trying to mentally slow down, so that I do not miss today while looking so forward to tomorrow. . .

But, God gave me a bit of an oasis over Christmas. A refreshing little break! I got to spend several days at Erik's brother's home. This is the home of my sweet sister-in-love, Jen. One day I will tell the story of how we were nursing school buddies - virtually inseparable for two years and then, we married brothers. You know, so we didn't have to be apart. . . just kidding! We both really do love our husbands. The fact that they are brothers - making us officially sisters and our children blood related - is just icing on the cake.

As I look back over the last five years, between Jen and I, we have had a newborn every Christmas except one. And, we use nursing our babies as our little way of getting some "alone time" during the holidays. This year she had the newborn, and I followed her to a quiet room several times over the days we spent there so that I could chit chat with her as she nursed baby Abby. And, we always remark at how refreshing it is to be together. . . It is like our song says. . . Our song is a song by Watermark. And, one of the lines says, "Something about just being with you. When I leave I feel like I've been with God." Jen is calm, peaceful, slow and easy. She has a soothing effect on me. And, she loves me more than I understand. And, though I feel unworthy, I am so grateful.

And, now it is back to Real Life. We got back last night around 8:00 p.m., and Erik left for work at 8:00 a.m. this morning. I began the morning with 50 phone calls and a few errands - running back and forth from the rent house to our home 4 or 5 times. But, what keeps me going is the thought that one of these days, I will be in my new house with peaceful music playing in the background as little boys laugh and play. And, life will once again be calm and somewhat routine. Ahhhh. . . But, I am thankful for the little refreshing break God gave me over Christmas. My soul needed it.

I Love This Face!

I Will Never Fire You. . .

My mother. . . She is such a special lady. Her heart is for others. Selfless. For as long as I can remember she has lived outside herself, outside her comfort zone, outside our family, outside our social class. She has allowed no barriers in her work for God. Throughout my years growing up under her model, she has volunteered in too many ways to tell - everything from teaching a poor elderly man to read his first words to mentoring young girls in an inner-city elementary school. You see, her mother was the same way. My grandma in her 80's was still volunteering at the hospital, teaching a young hispanic girl English in an afterschool program, and hosting Bible studies in her home. And, I pray that I, too, will model this ministry of giving of myself to others, and that my sons will model it for their children. This is a legacy worth protecting.

This weekend my mother gave of herself by coming and watching my boys so that Erik and I could get away. I am so thankful for the time she gave us. She will never know how grateful I am! She works my home like a well-oiled machine. I came home to a house full of happy boys, new toys, and 4 loads of fresh clean laundry. She had taken them on a variety of fun outings. And, today they have been asking for Nana all day. I wonder why?

I called her mid-way through the weekend, and I asked what they were up to. . .

She said, "Well, I think we are going to go back to Wal-Mart."
So, I asked, "Why, you already went once?"
Mom said, "Well, Joshua needs something. . ."
I had to ask, "What?"
She answered, "Well, we got these engines (Thomas trains), and he needs some more. . ."
I quickly replied, "No, he doesn't. You are spoiling him. . ."
To which she asked, "If I spoil him, are you going to fire me?"

Joshua obviously overheard our conversation and pondered it for a while. Later at Wal-Mart Joshua and Nana had this conversation. . .

Out of the Blue, in the toy section of Wal-Mart, Joshua says: "Nana, don't just worry about Mommy firing you. . .Daughters can't fire mothers. . . Mommy won't fire you. . . She wouldn't do that. . ." My mom at this point thought he knew what being fired meant. . .

Then, he finished his thought. "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego got fired. But, they disobeyed the king. . . Mommy isn't going to fire you. . . Don't just worry about it."

Thanks Mommy, for giving me a rare weekend alone with my love. And, don't just worry - I will never fire you!

A, B, C meme

I was tagged by Kim at Lifesong-kim.blogspot.com (sorry, I still don't know how to link). So, here we go. . .

A - available/single - Very much married and unavailable, and I pray that my status doesn't change - ever.

B--Best Friend - My beloved Erik, of course.

C--Cake or Pie - Cake, no question, chocolate with a large glass of milk. I am partaking of that combo this very moment!

D--Drink of Choice - I love coffee, but I think my all-time favorite drink is a Chai Latte from Starbucks. The first sip is like heaven - peaceful, relaxing, ahhhh. . .

E--Essential item you use everyday - my coffee maker

F--Favorite color - Baby blue

G--Gummy bears or Worms - Worms, the sour ones! Makes my mouth water to think about them. . .

H--Hometown - I consider a small town in southeast Arkansas to be my home. We moved there when I was 9, and we moved away when I was in college. So all the memorable years of my growing up were in that little farming community.

I--Indulgence - an occasional manicure or massage. Oh, and I love to play at a make-up counter. I used to say that being a make-up artist was my dream job.

J--January or February - February, two of my favorite little men were born in that sweet month!

K--Kids - I have 2 little boys and one on the way!

L--Life is incomplete without... Good friends.

M--Marriage Date - April 17, 1999

N--Number of siblings - I have 2 - an older sister and an older brother.

O--oranges or apples - Oranges. I serve apples to my boys and myself for lunch everyday, but I would rather eat a really good orange.

P--Phobias/Fear - I fly on airplanes several times a year, but I still get nervous every single time. Oh, and tornados or any kind of severe thunderstorm - especially when I am driving.

Q--Favorite Quote - If you haven't found something worth dying for, you're not really living.

R--Reason to Smile - a kiss from a cute little red-headed boy!

S--Season - Fall - no competition here. Spring is second.

T--I tag Deidre (again I don't know how to link, sorry.)

U--Unknown fact about myself - I like my showers scalding hot. Our rent house has no respect for this need of mine. (3 more weeks and we get to move home!!)

V--Vegetable you don't like - English peas

W--Worst habit - Eating sweets.

X--x-ray - Only dental. I've never had a broken bone.

Y--Your favorite food - Chicken Quesadillas and Potato Soup - but not together. Oh, and I love my mama's pot roast.

Z--Zodiac - I think I am a Scorpio, but I am not sure.

And that is the A-Z on me!!

My Son, the Poster Child for Juice Plus

This picture says it all. . . Joshua is dipping one of his vegetable gummies (vitamins - but a juice plus rep would argue that they are much more than just vitamins - hence why I spend a fortune on them each month) in cheese dip. And, it is not just cheese dip. It is what we, at our house, call "white cheese dip." You know, the real thing, the good stuff, from our local Mexican restaraunt. My son has a theory - "Everything tastes better with cheese dip on it!" And, I would have to agree with him. . . most of the time.

A Sweet Lesson, an Overflowing cup, and a Precious Baby. . .

Isn't it amazing the thought that God placed each of our children into our families. We do not choose; He does the choosing. We are the blessed recipients of His goodness. Biological or adopted each child is placed perfectly into the family in which God ordained for the child to be reared. He knows our needs and the needs of the little ones with whom He entrusts us. And, He divinely pairs us up. He doesn't ask for our help. He knows better. He knows best. To me that is precious, and I am so thankful for it.

God has chosen to, once again, bless our sweet family with a little boy! And, the moment that I saw his little profile on the ultrasound screen I knew. . . I knew that he was mine, given to me by my God. I marveled at his little arms, legs and hands - all so precious to me. I watched him moving constantly, putting his tiny arm over his face, and, I fell in love with him.

I must be completely honest and say that as we drove to the restraunt for our post-ultrasound date a selfish thought occured to me. . . the thought that I may never have a daughter. And, a strange saddness came over me, a feeling of loss. This thought has occured to me before, but I usually push it away knowing that it is wrong and ungrateful. I shared my feelings with my sweet husband. And, for a few minutes I contemplated it all. And, I heard my God sweetly saying, "Does the clay say to the Potter. . ." Erik looked me in the eyes and said, "God has chosen us to raise Godly men. This is our cup. Embrace your cup." (He actually said that - "embrace your cup" - it got to me - deeply.)

This is my unique cup chosen for me by my Father. How sweet is that. No matter what our cup holds, the contents have all been sifted through His sovereign fingers and poured gently there by hands of love. I cherish that. I trust that. Whatever we long for - be it a daughter, a child to call our own, health for a child we love , a husband to love and be loved by, whatever it is, He knows our longing. He knows, and He cares. And, with great love for us He gives us each our portion and our cup. But, the beauty is in the end of the verse. (Can you tell this is my life verse?) Our lot is secure. We are secure in Him no matter our cup, no matter our earthly assingment. We are His, we are loved, and we are secure.

So, tonight as we drove home from a long afternoon of shopping, our boys both fell asleep in the backseat. It was about 7:45 when we got home. We each took a child to put to bed. Erik took Joshua, and I took JCT. I walked around to the other side of the car, looked inside, and stared in amazement at this precious child. He was sound asleep, lips all puffed out sweetly. I just paused for a minute and watched him sleep. Then, I slowly took him out of his carseat, sliding one of my hands under each of his arms. And, I held his sweet little body to my chest, soft, sleepy breaths in my ear. I carried him inside, changed his clothes, and put him in his bed. Then, I went to kiss Joshua who was already asleep in his bed. Again, through the pale moonlight of his window, I marveled at God's handiwork. I kissed his soft wind-chapped cheek, and I was overwhelmed. I heard my Father speaking deeply into my heart. . . "Does the clay say to the Potter. . ." And, with a tear gently rolling down my cheek, I quietly replied, "No, Father, no." His faithfulness overwhelms me.

I know it is a silly and selfish thing for me to have thought, but in all honesty it was my thought. And, I wanted to share how God walked me through it. I love how He does that. He doesn't give up on us. No, He walks us through our situations, no matter how silly. I tend to make mountains out of mole-hills, but He faithfully walks with me, journeys alongside me. He knows I am a drama queen. He made me. Isn't it awesome to have your Creator as your best friend! The one Who knit us together in our mother's womb, loves us, and walks with us until we meet Him face to face!

Okay, now on a lighter note, I will tell you what my Joshua said when we told him that the baby was a boy. Let me preface this by saying that he has wanted a sister since JCT was born. He used to call JCT his sister - which we quickly put a stop to! Anyway, he has called this baby a girl from the beginning of the pregnancy. And, the whole way home from dinner I was dreading telling him the news. So, when we got home, we sat the boys down in front of the TV. We played the video of the ultrasound and pointed out the baby to the boys. JCT wasn't very interested, but Joshua was. At one point the baby spread his little legs, and Erik took the opportunity to tell Joshua. He said, "See there are his legs, and there is his poe poe. He has a poe poe like you, Joshua. Do you know what that means? That means that the baby is a brother. You are going to have another brother! What do you think about that!!!" Erik is all smiles. Joshua puts on a huge frowny face and growls like some sort of wild, hungry animal. I wait to see what he will say. . . And, then out of no where, Joshua quits growling and says, "Just throw that poe poe away!!!!!!!"

He, too, will learn to embrace his cup, for his lot is secure.

Will it be a Kelly or a Cecilia?

Tomorrow is our big day - the day of our ultrasound! We are hoping and praying that they will tell us that a healthy little baby is thriving in there! And, yes, we will find out whether it is a boy or a girl.

Unlike my other 2 pregnancies where I read and journaled faithfully about the baby's development, etc., writing prayer after prayer for the darling ones inside me, this time I have been a little busy. And, to be honest the last 4 months have been a blur. At times I feel a little guilty about that. Even my mom will say, "I keep forgetting that you are pregnant." To which I respond, "Don't feel bad. I keep forgetting, too." Until the little one kicks, and reminds me that he/she is very much residing there inside me.

So, I thought I'd take a minute to slow down and ponder this little one. Names are vitally important to Erik and I. Both our boys have names chocked full of meaning - first and middle names. James Christofer Truett even got 3 names!! And, this third child will be no different.

This baby was conceived, most likely, while we were vacationing with Erik's family in the mountains of Tennessee this summer. We were at Dollywood when my mom called to tell us to be praying because Cecilia had found a lump under her arm. A little over a week later we received another call from my mom letting us know that the lump was in fact breast cancer. She had fought breast cancer valiently at age 32, and now at age 36 she was faced with it again. Three days later we saw 2 pink lines on a little white stick. And, as soon as I found out that we were pregnant, I told Erik that this baby would be named Cecilia if it was a girl, and he agreed.

And, if this little one is a boy, there has been no question that this boy would be named after my brother, Kelly. The little guy will be either Elijah Kelly or Daniel Kelly. We are still praying and pondering that one. But, my brother Kelly is an amazing man/brother/husband/father. He is so tender-hearted and loving. He is the kind of guy who just yesterday took a dog home from a rescue shelter. . . an old dog with heartworms and abscessed teeth, a dog that will likely not live through the treatments needed to keep her alive. He named her Bella (calls her Big B) and took her home because he couldn't stand to think of them putting her to sleep. They say he pets her for hours at a time. He loves hard. And, I would be more than proud to have a son like him.

There is alot I don't know about this little one. Is the baby a boy or girl? Will he/she have red hair like the other 2? What will his/her personality be like? But, there is one thing that I am certain of. . . This child is loved, so much. This child is loved not only by mommy and daddy, but also by 2 big brothers. And, we welcome this little one with arms open wide.

Side-note for all you Texans: I had this conversation with Joshua after bathtime tonight. . .
Me: So, when the baby comes will JCT become a big boy?
J: Will JCT be with us when the baby comes?
Me: Well, yes, I hope so. Why wouldn't he be with us? Where else would he be?
J: I dunno. . . maybe. . . like. . .Texas. . .
So, if any of ya'll see a cute little red headed boy wandering around Texas this spring, will you ship him back to me? Thanks.

A Seed Planted in Concrete. . .

If I had to use one word to describe our neighbor/contractor, I would use the word jolly. Now, especially this time of year the word jolly makes one think of St. Nick and a large round belly. There is not much fat on Mr. Cole's body. He is strong and lean. He is jolly in that he always has a smile on his face, always. We have lived across the street from him for 5 years now. He walks his dogs - Bruno (an auburn haired laborador) and Belle (a Bassett Hound) twice a day - 6:15 a.m. and 4:45 p.m. And, he has a smile on his face whether he sees you or not. It is just who he is, and I admire that about him.

Now the interesting little twist is that he doesn't go to church with his wife. She goes, you know, like 3 times a week, but he stays home. In the summer Sunday mornings are his time for cutting the grass. And, he smiles sweetly and waves at us as we load up the boys and head off to church. I did a Bible study a year or so ago at his wife's church, and his salvation was on the Bible study prayer list. Erik and I have hypothosized that maybe church (in general) has in some way offended him, in some way hurt him, driving him away. We have prayed for him for a while.

Erik and I began praying as soon as we decided to do the renovation that God might use us in some way to draw Mr. Cole to Himself. We prayed about it quite often at first, but as time has gone on, our thoughts have drifted. . . To be quite honest I haven't prayed about it much at all lately. I only think about it every now and then when I feel like a spoiled girl asking him to change something. Then, I think, "What kind of witness is this?" I usually sugar-coat my request with a thousand apologies and even throw in a little, "Please don't hate me when I ask this, but if it wouldn't be too much trouble could we like move those light fixtures up 6 in. I know you have already put up sheet-rock and painted, etc., but would it be too much trouble? Because if it is, just tell me, and I'll get over it." To which he always assures me that it is no trouble at all which makes me feel like he is a better example of Christ than I am. So, much for being a witness. . . But, those are really the only times that I have thought about it since the beginning of the renovation.

Last Saturday night Erik and I went on a date with a purpose. We sat at our favorite restaurant, and made a list of verses for each room of our home. After dinner we went back to the house, and I wrote the verses on the floor while Erik walked around praying over the rooms. I didn't think much of it after we left that night - except that Flat and Gerald would probably be making jokes about the Song of Solomon verse we picked to put under the carpet where our bed will be (nothing explicit, I assure you).

Sunday morning before church Erik went over to check on the house and to talk to Mr. Cole. Erik came home beaming. He said, "It may have just been sawdust in his eye, but I think Mr. Cole was quite moved by our verses." Now, the thought that Mr. Cole might even notice the verses had not occured to me. Mr. Cole even went so far as to say that ours was a very "blessed home." Now, those are words that I would never have imagined hearing him say. I wish I could have been there! They went on to talk about God, his provisions, his protection, etc. Erik was given the opportunity to share what he believes with Mr. Cole. I was so stunned and grateful!

And, I smiled as I thought about the fact that our Amazing God could plant a seed in any soil - even concrete.

Please Forgive Me. . .

For all of you, who in reading my last post cringed at my misspelling of the word chagrin, I ask your forgiveness. I beg your forgiveness. What can I say? I think my husband fell out of his chair when he read it. But, he knows me and is so used to all my grammatical errors that now when he reads or hears them he just gets plum tickled.

I am quite famous for "malpops" as my husband calls them. We will be in a heated discussion about something very serious, and I will say something like this, "Ohhh! It just makes me so upset. I am afraid he is not being faithful to her. We are just waiting for the other foot to drop. . ." And, with tears pouring down my cheeks and emotions running wild inside me, I look over at my husband driving - one hand on the wheel and one hand, ever so slightly, covering the smile on his face. This angers me, so I say, "What, what did I say wrong this time?" And, he laughs under his breath a bit, and says, "It's waiting for the other shoe to drop, baby, not foot to drop."

I kid you not - I do this at least 3 times a week. In fact, to be totally honest, I had to call and ask him if the cliche was "waiting for the other foot (or shoe) to drop" before I wrote this. Sometimes I mix the words of the cliche up and sometimes I just use a cliche that makes no sense in the point I am trying to make. And, sometimes I do both. God help me. This is one of the biggest jokes of our marriage. And, I dare say if something happened to me - it would be one of the things he would miss most. Nobody can make him laugh like I can when I use a malprop. I used to always ask, "Did I say that right?" But, now I just say what I want and if I am correct he says, "I am so proud of you. You used that cliche correctly." And, if I use the cliche incorrectly or mess up the words, he gets a good laugh out of it. So, I am completely comfortable to say what I think all the time, and I love that!

That is what I am asking of you! Please laugh at my mistakes - you don't need to cringe. I am quite comfortable with the fact that I am not an "English" person. I am an ex-nurse, full time mom, who uses alot of malpropisms and many misspelled words! I just don't see myself ever using spell check faithfully. I am always in a hurry, writing quickly, just putting down thoughts and stories before I forget them. My goal here is to record this time in my life so that I can visit it later, and if my children would like to, they can visit and read about how loved and rejoiced over they were as babes. So, get tickled and correct me if you'd like. I love to learn from my mistakes!! Thanks for understanding!!

Lady and the Belch

I grew up in a family where the girls outnumbered the boys 3 to 2. I was brought up to be a "lady." My mother is very much a lady and her mother was the epitome of a lady in all her splendor! Grandma wore gloves in the evening, crossed her legs just so, folded her hands in her lap elegantly, and waved like the Queen of England. And, my daddy, well, he is very much a gentleman. All this to say, sounds such as burping and expelling gas were not heard in our household except on occasion and by accident.

When I married my dear husband, my eyes were opened slightly to the world of boys/men. You see, my husband was raised in a family where the boys outnumbered the girls 3 to 1. So, burping and expelling gas were sounds heard more frequently and with much less embarrasment in his home. As in most marriages, he gave a little and I gave a little. Compromise.

But, with children compromise is a bit more difficult especially when I am the one outnumbered. If you count my dog, (and you should because he burps and expels gas without discretion) I am outnumbered 4 (possibly 5 since the heartbeat in my belly is, according to my doctor, a "boy heartbeat") to 1.

The other night, after bathtime, I was sitting with my legs in a V-shape. Joshua was sitting on one of my thighs and JCT on the other. I was focused intently on the task at hand - trimming Joshua's fingernails. As I was trimming along, JCT burped loudly. Joshua, as usual, erupted into laughter. I shrugged, said, "Say Excuse me," and continued trimming. A few seconds later JCT burped again, followed by Joshua's laughter. JCT was enjoying the attention. A few seconds later out of my precious 22 month old baby came yet another loud belch followed by lots of laughter. At this point, much to my own shugrin, I couldn't help laughing. After the 6th burp, it dawned on me (I am slow and naive) that he had taught himself how to burp on command.

Okay, now I am 31 years old, and I still do not know how to make myself burp on command - mostly, this is by choice. But still, the fact that my 22 month old has already taught himself how to burp on command frightens me just a little. My future appears a little scary at present. No doubt, these little guys are changing me, loosening me up a bit. And, mostly this is a good thing. I am quite certain that you will never hear me belch loudly on purpose mid conversation - they will never change me that much! But, I am thankful for the color they add to my life. I was always more of a taupe and off-white kind of girl, and they have brought primary color to my somewhat subtle and bland life.

A happy renunion!!!

Rain and silky made it safely home from Nana and Poppy's today - thanks to UPS!!! It was a happy reuniting for my sweet boy and his two most prized possessions!! He immediately put his nose up to Rain and said, "He smells like Nana's house!" Then, he took his silky into his room and layed it on his pillow "just so" like he always does. This is when I took the opportunity to photograph his excitement! Nana has been so worried about him being sad. . . no more worries, Nana!! He is a happy boy now! It took Rain a little time, but I think he has successfully high-fived and kissed every other stuffed animal in our home (with a little help from Joshua)! Welcome home, little dog. We have missed you and silky, too.

A few memories and thoughts from our weekend

This is a good morning. . . there is nothing we have to leave the house for right away, Fernando Ortega is singing hymns to me, a hot cup of coffee is sitting beside me, and my sons are playing together (for the moment) in Joshua's room (which means I am alone in the kitchen - for the moment). So, here I sit with my heart pondering memories and thoughts of the past few days - happy and sad. If only Erik could be off for another week!! But, I take what I can get of him, and I am thankful for every moment!!

We spent Thanksgiving at my parent's home in Arkansas. Something about that flat farm land does something to me. You can see for miles on end. To most who pass through the state, it is quite boring, but to me it is rich with memories. Nothing is quite as beautiful as watching the sun set over one of those flat fields of grain. The longer I go between trips home, the more the landscape moves something deep inside me. Wide open spaces, God bless them!

I got to spend some time with my mom, who I love and admire so much that I would have to write 5,000 posts to give her due credit. I realized as I discussed our renovation plans with her that her opinion means more to me than probably anybody's - except maybe Erik's. And, though I did not get as much time with her as I would have liked, it was still rich and good time. And, my daddy, I always love to get to see him, too. And, as usual, my boys fought over who got to sit in Poppy's (my daddy) big brown chair with him.

My parents gave Kelly, Cecilia, Erik, and I a night out without children!! Very fun! Kelly's hair is beginning to grow back in, and Cecilia looked RADIANT. I can't emphasize that enough. She is so beautiful, and her face was glowing. She looked adorable, complete with bandana on head!

To me the very best part of the holiday season is getting to watch family interact. My brother always lays on the floor and plays with my boys, and they adore him for it. He had JCT laughing so hard, that it brought tears to my eyes! Peyton and Avery (Kelly and Cecilia's girls) stole my sons' hearts once again. My boys love them so much!! Yesterday over and over Joshua would say sadly, "I want my Peyton."

I'll never forget how hard Peyton and Avery laughed when my boys streaked through the kitchen after bathtime. Or, how hard I laughed when Joshua looked seriously at my mom, who normally wears contacts, and said, "Nana, you look kind of dangerous in your glasses."

And, for the most sad memory of the weekend. . . We left Joshua's favorite stuffed animal (a stuffed dog named Rain) and his silky (his blanket) at Nana and Poppy's house. You must realize that he has never (to his memory) slept a night without these two. So, there were some genuine tears at bedtime Saturday night, and that nearly broke his mama's heart. But, baby bear and a silky shirt of mine stepped in and attempted to fill silky and Rain's spot. No tears were shed last night, so I think we will make it until the mailman brings them safely home to us.

All in all, the little trip was a much needed vacation from our present state of craziness. Yesterday morning Erik and I slept in - well kind of. . . Our bed (here at the rent house) is a matress on the floor. So, we stayed in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, while the boys played all around us. . . and on us. . . but, it was rest all the same. And, I was able to lay there, basking in the morning sun, feeling the sweet one inside me toss and turn, listening to the laughter of my boys, and holding the hand of the one that my soul loves! I am so thankful for the break Thanksgiving gave to my family. I feel refreshed and ready to get back at it! Concrete floors, mantles, and columns - here I come!!!